Sure, I have a gorgeous figure . . .

I’ll grant you that.

And lovely high cheek bones, too.

But I do feel gloomy at times . . .

just like average people do.

My lips could be thicker

and my hair more naturally wavy;

So don’t tell me my life is all roses,

because I can prove it is not.

Look at my knee, for example,

and you’ll see a faint scar.

No, it’s there, if you look really close.

Now check out my fingernails.

I broke two getting ready.

Can you believe that?

And my tan line is visible near my bikini.

The judges will mark off for that.

I should just go back to cheer-leading

and not put myself through this hell.

Beauty can be such a burden . . .

but you couldn’t possibly know that.