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Clowning Around
by M. Allman

My friend, Lisa, set me up on a blind date with this guy she described as "fun". I admit I was spending too many Saturday nights with my cat, Felix, but hey, he's a good listener, and he keeps my feet warm.

Anyway, I wore my new dress and heels because I was not informed where we’d be going, only that I’d be picked up at seven.

Promptly at seven, the doorbell rang. I did a quick hair check in the mirror and answered the door.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

What a clown!

Yes, he was literally a clown: big red nose, white face with a painted smile, polka dots, floppy red shoes, and a huge orange afro.

I wasn't sure what to say. "So, are we going by your place first, so you can change?"

"No silly," he said, handing me a bouquet of balloon flowers.

I went, but quickly questioned my judgment.

He led me out to a tiny car. We crammed ourselves inside and drove to McDonalds for dinner. All he could talk about was the wonderful Ronald.

He complimented me on my outfit with two honks of his nose, we went to the circus instead of a movie, and he kept tripping over his floppy shoes and laughing.

I’m going to kill Lisa.

Finally around ten, the nightmare date was over. He walked me to my door and shook my hand startling me with a buzzer. He leaned in.

Just kiss me and go. I closed my eyes expecting a peck on the cheek, but instead he squirted my face with his plastic boutonniere. Chuckling, he ran away.

I went inside and locked the door behind me. Felix slinked over and slithered around my legs. "Looks like it’s just you and me, Felix.”