by M. Allman
Lisa, set me up on a blind date with this guy she
described as "fun". I admit I was
spending too many Saturday nights with my cat,
Felix, but hey, he's a good listener, and he
keeps my feet warm.
Anyway, I wore
my new dress and heels because I was not informed
where wed be going, only that Id be
picked up at seven.
seven, the doorbell rang. I did a quick hair
check in the mirror and answered the door.
ready?" he asked.
Yes, he was
literally a clown: big red nose, white face with
a painted smile, polka dots, floppy red shoes,
and a huge orange afro.
I wasn't sure
what to say. "So, are we going by your place
first, so you can change?"
he said, handing me a bouquet of balloon flowers.
I went, but
quickly questioned my judgment.
He led me out
to a tiny car. We crammed ourselves inside and
drove to McDonalds for dinner. All he could talk
about was the wonderful Ronald.
complimented me on my outfit with two honks of
his nose, we went to the circus instead of a
movie, and he kept tripping over his floppy shoes
going to kill Lisa.
ten, the nightmare date was over. He walked me to
my door and shook my hand startling me with a
buzzer. He leaned in.
me and go. I closed my eyes expecting a peck
on the cheek, but instead he squirted my face
with his plastic boutonniere. Chuckling, he ran
I went inside
and locked the door behind me. Felix slinked over
and slithered around my legs. "Looks like
its just you and me, Felix.