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Chocolate Superpowers
by Peter Howard

Chocolate is now well known to give you super powers. That and Nuclear spills.

Early on in the development of superpowers, scientists learned from the wisdom of fictional drawings known as 'Comics.' These early efforts all went wrong, and the experiments rendered nothing more then deformed fish, three headed bears and the occasional grumpy octopus.

Later it was discovered that the reasons for this failure stemmed from the scientific mistake of ignoring the context. They went back to the original sources and found that every recorded fictional event of super powers developing from nuclear exposure was accidental.

Henceorth all controlled experiments with nuclear stock waste were canceled and scientist instead loaded up huge amounts of unstable nuclear material into very flimsily containers, and drove.

For years the country was wrapped with attention and fear as they watched wild eyed scientists (driven somewhat mad by exposure from the thin tanks in the bank) who roamed the country side looking for tight curves, wet roads and banana peel.

Unfortunately, the difficulty of finding the right driving conditions and an unknowing 'subject' to expose proved difficult. Everybody knew who the scientists were - they had seen the three headed bear which did not seem to have a very good time of it at all - and whenever the scientists came close to town people stayed away.

The whole issue of real superpowers nearly fell like a three eyed dodo on an English sailing vessel until a frustrated scientist finally had enough and plowed his truck into the side of a mountain.

Some say he was trying to commit suicide, others say he fell asleep but fate or accident the fact remained that the lazy eyed farm boy who came upon the crashed truck and leapt to the rescue of the mad scientist (he was very angry by now) became the first superhero.

This was how Farm Boy came into being. With his super powers of field mowing in a single tractor pull and crop harvesting with a single sweep of his huge arm he became a one man agricultural machine, single-handedly solving world hunger and answering the age old question of how people could live in the country and not get woken up by tractors at odd hours in the morning.

Of course, after further research, we now know that large quantities of chocolate have much the same affect. And (since this approach is both a) much safer and tastier, and b) requires a lot less drain on the limited supply of wild eyed scientists) it is now the preferable way to obtain super powers. Farm Boy is now somewhat out of date.

The gender divide of this new outbreak of superpowers has led to its own fascinating and deeply insane consequences. For more see our article ‘Does this boy have nothing better to do?’ located on our blog, ‘I should be working but heck who wants to do’

Thank you and good night.