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Bad DIY Idea
by Michael C. Keith

“Your face is falling away from your skull. That’s why you look older. The tissue’s underpinning is giving way resulting in geriatric sag. This gets worse every year until you end up looking like a Shar-Pei,” said Dr. Goldfarb.

“Oh, that’s terrible,” moaned Mrs. Hebe, inspecting the large bags under her eyes in the magnified mirror.

“We can staple you back if you don’t want surgery, but this only holds for a while. Again, I would suggest a full facelift. It will give you what you want, and it will last longer than the alternatives. It’s your decision, Mrs. Hebe. So what do you want to do?” asked the plastic surgeon.

“Well, I’m not going under the knife, so I’ll go with the other option you mentioned. Besides, it will be a lot cheaper.”

“Not really that much cheaper . . . ”

“Of course it will be, doctor!” protested Mrs. Hebe. “I have a stapler at home.”