Winston God
by Michael S.
Collins
Winston God,
the enlightened MP, storyteller, explorer and
dictator, who has died aged 62, won the heart of
the nation with his wonderful use of word play
and life defining speeches. In the three decades
of which he was a public figure, his admirers
include Popes and Kings, and he was responsible
for the ending of a civil war and the starting of
another. King Alonso of France was a defining
influence on the man’s early life.
His Russian-Jewish
parents died young, leaving a lone God to fend
for himself in the shipyards of Govan. Here,
after almost being killed by a stray horse, he
swung a worker’s revolt in the favour of the
employers and found himself on the dole. This
lead to the unfortunate “Knightswood
Incident” and the ramifications of that were
far and wide. Blame was never laid at the feet of
the young God, far from it, but the deaths in the
fires of Yokerhill would remain a talking point
for years.
After a few
years as a writer of poetry, and a disastrous (but
swiftly changed through propaganda to a tactical
retreat) attempt to explore the lower basin of
the tropical Rhine, Winston became MP of
Knightswood West in controversial circumstances,
and this led to his shock appointment to the
Cabinet after the tragic death of former Foreign
Secretary Gareth McCafferty.
By this time
the final moves of chess in the interminable
Britain-France war were being played out, and
here the swiftly adapting politician was
responsible for the ending of the bloodshed,
getting the French to surrender, reminding them
that “this is what they always do.”
A national
hero, he swiftly declared the Prime Minister a
traitor and had him beheaded at the Tower. Before
anyone could gasp or work out what had happened,
Winston God had declared himself Royal Dictator
of Britain. His writing continued, only know it
became compulsory reading.
Protests were
swiftly defeated, the banks of Blackfriars coated
with the blood of innocents. As good as he was at
bringing peace, God was just that little bit
better at strife.
Having decided
that peace had become boring and passe, God began
to annoy the hell out of surrounding countries,
proclaiming Britain forever more the head of the
Empire of Europe. The European Civil War followed,
the bloodiest in known history, and at its climax
Winston God was defeated, destroyed and
discredited in a Suiss jail. Never lost for words,
God noted, “The only man ever defeated by a
Suiss/French army. Think of the shame!”
The
characteristics of his death will bring few tears
but more questions. Murder has not been ruled out.
But Winston God, the most influential man of all
of our lifetimes, has died in his civil cell in
Rennes. He is survived by his son, Winston Again,
who carries the name of God into new, unchartered
territory.
Winston God,
dictator, MP and storyteller, born March 22nd
1945, died April 16th 2007.
(Editor’s
note: A greatest hits collection of the poetry of
Winston God is available in hardback from all
booksellers still loyal to the cause. A *****
review will be in our next issue. Furthermore, we
are also looking for a more loyal obituary writer
for subsequent issues.)
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