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The Great Protected Zombie
by Michael S. Collins

Here comes Jack. Look at him stagger our way. With his decaying features, empty socket stare and crumbling arm socket, he’s rather harmless these days. Especially at his one street an hour pace.

Jack is the only zombie in the world. Confined to Britain now. He’s too slow and conspicuous to get on a plane these days. Too oozing to pass off as a Passenger on one of the ships across the Channel. Just stuck, wandering aimlessly throughout our streets.

Hungry too. Well, he’s hardly had a human to bite on in the last few months. Everyone can see him coming. If they can’t see him coming, they hear the Anti-Jack alarm. It’s very difficult to get eaten by a zombie these days. We’ve had the best brains in the business working on it.

Can’t kill him either. He’s protected these days, by the RSPCA. Endangered creature, you know. Only one left in existence.

Has to be protected. Too many angry bigoted people. Claiming he’s come from overseas. Well, he did once. Coming over here, taking away our wandering aimlessly murdering. That could have been a job for a British zombie, if there ever was such a thing.

Here comes Jack. Walk this way. Do not stop to chit-chat with the zombie. Do not add to his hordes.

Oh for goodness sakes, I said DON’T add to his hordes.

Ok, we now have two zombies in Britain. Jack and Jill. Hey, compared to some endangered animals, the zombie population is positively booming.