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Sticking Up for Old Folks
by Walt Giersbach

“Google has received a patent on technology that would help you stick to a car. When a car strikes a pedestrian, much of the injury results when the pedestrian hits the ground. Google’s solution would cover the car with an adhesive layer similar to double-sided duct tape.
---American Association for Retired Persons Bulletin

Edna is a wonderful friend, but often careless with fire and sharp objects. “Put it down to distraction,” her husband George told me. Both things were the cause of George’s demise when Edna squirted gasoline onto a grill that he was trying to fire up and he fell back onto the steak knife she was fetching for him.

Before his passing, George had recognized Edna’s distraction and had the car covered in Googlehesive, a miracle product that protects pedestrians one runs over. “The real danger to the careless walker is when he or she ricochets off onto the pavement,” he explained. “It’s like falling off a building. Not the fall that kills you but the sudden stop.”

After the funeral and against my better judgement, I joined Edna in going to see the fall foliage. We hadn’t gotten but a mile or two down the pike when we heard a thump. Looking from the window, I saw a cat sticking to my door. Edna blissfully plowed around a curve and walloped a postal carrier. He stuck to the bonnet with letters flying away like leaves. A moment later and a trash can bumped up onto the fender.

“Edna,” I screamed. “You’ve just collected a cat and postal carrier and a trash can! And they’re sticking to the car like Christmas tree ornaments!”

Edna put her hands to her face, and said in shock, “Oh, good heavens, you mean I’m driving? I thought you were!”

That Edna, what a wonderful person. But a wise friend knows to keep a certain distance.