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Reggie and Beatrice
by Marvin Pinkis

"Reginald, will you stay for cold supper?"

"Perhaps. What shall you be having?"

"I believe cook said it would be grouse."

"Well, I shant grouse about grouse," Reginald smiled at his rapier wit.

"Yes, of course. I'll ring cook and confirm."

Beatrice rang for cook who whispered in her ear and informed Beatrice there had been a menu change.

Beatrice stated, "Regretably it will not be grouse, but a rabbit pie, quite good, most likely.”

Reginald declined, announcing he must depart having overlooked an appointment three days hence with his saucier.

Beatrice fumed. She turned away and screamed at the stage director, "You see what that asshole is doing? He's not supposed to challenge the fuckin' menu. Can't you make him understand that if the script says he'll stay for goddam rabbit pie, he will eat fuckin' goddam rabbit pie?  Just like we have to."