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Intellectual Quandary
by Walt Giersbach

“In a society where physical beauty often equates to sex appeal, the idea of sapiosexuality has been quietly gaining traction in recent years…. Though definitions vary, the term generally describes people for whom sexual attraction is based on intellect, and not necessarily on looks.” 
           --The New York Times, June 4, 2017

I told my roommate, Marvin, I was filled with despair over ever finding a soul mate. “All the nice women I date thrust their physical beauty on me, their charming makeup and couture.”

“Well, that’s a start,” Marvin said.

“And if I show my general disinterest they begin talking nasty. Obscene. Isn’t there any woman where intellectual conversation is a turn-on? Intelligence, and even the mystery around her intelligence, gets my heart beating, my nether parts pulsating.” I didn’t care too much about their plumbing. I wanted an inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind. I want someone for whom philosophical discussion is foreplay.

All of my joints were stiff — all but one.

Marvin snorted. “You’re not heterosexual, my friend. You’re sapiosexual. Skip the bars and go wherever the eggheads hang out.”

I hoped he was right, and wandered downtown. Finding a quiet spot, I opened my laptop, but the woman across from me was what caught my eye. She was reading Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire. “Another great fat book, eh, Mr. Gibbon?” I said quietly quoting Bacon.

She squinted. “That’s Decline and Fall. Scribble, scribble scribble,” she ended the infamous riposte.

“Do you also peruse Proust, ma cherie?” Her face was fair, her hair a tumultuous cascade of…hair.

“Only in the dark ŕ la recherche du temps perdu.” Her eyes gleamed with a wicked promise.

All my joints were now limber, all but one.

“You are the one who could capture the essence of love as Omar Khayyam’s Rubáiyát described it,” and I leaped across the table separating us. Her arms reached out to enfold me. Books and laptop went flying, our lips met like locomotives crashing headlong, clothing was flung aside.

After describing the event that I’m sure will lead to a life of intrigue and mystery, Marvin asked, “So this looks like a lifelong attachment?”

“I think so, my friend.”

“Then why do you look so sad?” 

“I was ordered never to return to the municipal library again.