The Short Humour Site

Home : Writers' Showcase : Submission Guidelines : A Man of a Few More Words : Links

Writers' Showcase

How to be Dead IV
(A Dog's Testimony)

by Michael S. Collins

Woof! If this job did not pay so well, I may very well have gone out on strike. Would you call getting hit all day long by an abusive pet, job satisfaction? Man's best friend indeed. Woof!  Thirteen years servitude to the man next door to my subject is not how I envisaged that part of my life.

Who am I? I am a guardian. You see, the problem with human beings is that they are fundamentally stupid. No offence please, but I should remind you that you are the only species around who do not know how to die properly. All the others get to the afterlife perfectly happy, but human beings moan around as ghosts unless someone gives them a helping hand. That's what we are for. The guardians, here to protect the Flock from excessive damage, and guide them to their destiny after death. Very important we are! Woof! (Forgive me, thirteen years in dog form makes this a habit hard to break!).

Gordon Divers? Well, he is safe now. He learned how to be dead and that is the important thing. A tidy ending? Perhaps not, but then death so rarely is.