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Galaxy Bar
by Marvin Pinkis

In a remote galaxy in a dim space bar, various shapes gyrated to sounds that emanated from all around. Others mingled at a long raised counter with seating apparatus.

A decent-looking type, natty space suit open at the collar, attempted to initiate a conversation with the next stool’s occupant. She attracted him from the moment she entered and had been hit on by several patrons. With a lethal gaze she withered them to piles of ashes and filings on the floor. She approached the bar and mounted a stool.

“Are you from a galaxy around here?” he asked, a line from a sitcom called “Guess My Galaxy.”

She turned to him, deliberating if she should dismiss this annoyance, but was struck by his appearance- - bullet-shaped metallic head, the usual number of limbs, three above and seven below, bedroom-eye slits.

“Listen buddy, I’m from a place so distant it took me sixty-two light years to get here. I’m beat.”

“Can I buy you an ‘Andromeda Cocktail’?”

“No, but I can go for an ‘Orion Orgy.’ If they can’t make that, try a ‘FT-6-G’, a popular drink where I come from, but potent.”

“I’ve heard of them. Hope you’re planning to stay here a few light years to recoup from your travels.”

“If I had a place to crash and if the deal was right, I could stay as long as I want. If you must know, I play the galaxies. Been doing it for eons. Some of the hick places I’ve been to and the oddballs I’ve seen, or worse, can set your hair on end.”


“On some planets creatures with only two arms and legs, fuzzy stuff on top of their heads called hair and…you’ll laugh at this…one phallic organ.”

She glinted in a way that suggested she knew her way around, galaxy-hopping. Adventure, variety, little concern regarding reputation or harassment by the Moral forces.

He asked, “This planet with those bizarre creatures, tell me about it. Hard to imagine only one phallic organ.”

She inhaled the frothy head of her drink and cast the rest away.

“Another one, bartender,” he offered.

“Well, it’s been a while since I was there. Maybe it was too repulsive, even for me. That race was decreasing rapidly. There was a continual haze and the inhabitants covered their faces with a gauze material. It was so congested you could barely move around. The creatures were of a violent bent. Anything could arouse deadly action. Their remains would lie on the ground and passersby would not even glance. Huge confrontations between large groups were common and mass extermination resulted.”

“What weaponry?”

“A primitive precursor of the rockets we use for our day-to-day travel. They continually argued over who would rule them or by what, I think they called it ‘moral code’, they should abide by and expect others to do the same. Many obscene ungainly edifices devoted to worship of spectral entities of different titles. Intriguing, but I couldn’t get away too soon.”

“What a dreadful experience. Say, you wouldn’t consider, uh, I mean…”

“Of course I would. Even just for the company. Your pad or right here?”

“Let’s leave. My turbo-transporter is parked outside.”

Moving behind her, he observed her glistening metallic rear, the curvy factory-made outline, and anticipated a great time. Had to remember to get lubricant on the way.