Ankle Socks Taste Like Raspberries
by M. J. Nicholls
rats done chewed up me Leslie Garrett albums.
I have a sweet idea (sweet
like sugar, stupid like a wombat). Hows
about I learn the difference between Yazoo &
Yahoo? Guh-haw, guh-haw, guh-haw.
Yazoo is a
delicious milkshake. Bananas and fruits
compressed into a cows love. Yahoo is a
delicious search engine. Words and ideas squeezed
into a motherboard of hate. Gather round, ye
hobos and schlocks, and hear ye the tale of the
Yahoo Yazoo Scandal!
Oh, it began,
like so many scandals, at the bottom of Cynthia
Dalls inflatable shoes. The former lover of
Bill Callaghan (lo-fi alt-rock misanthrope and
one-time Smog leader) was attending a
counterculture bash in New Somewhere (a town in
America that bears no relevance to the tale) when
a wasp ate her ankle socks.
Munch-buzz! The wasp nibbled and slurped and
gulped and guffawed.
Dall, your ankle socks done taste like
enjoying your ankle socks, you hipstress you.
mean to say, Mr. Wasp, that my socks have a
flavour to them, such as one might taste in, say,
pretty. Lets make honey, even though
Im a wasp and not a bee.
thanks, Mr. Wasp. I intend to take these
raspberry-tinged ankle socks and introduce them
to a cow right away!
that idea, hussy.
wasp. Me be woman and hipstress extraordinaire.
Better stick to sucking socks, sugar.
So Cynthia (or
Cynth) went from the bash and walked into a field.
Locating a lonesome cow (Joe), she introduced his
udders to the flavoursome qualities of her ankle
What is this madness I am feeling? Fie o
fie on the fee-fiddle!
cow. You are but a pawn in this new milkshake
Let me love your socks as I love grass!
eh? Hmm. Sounds like a good name for this
milkshake revolution thing. I will flavour all
the milks in the world, sell them in brightly
coloured plastic bottles, and they shall be
So it began.
Some annums later, when James Stewarts
daughter Millie invented the internet (rubbing
three cables and a stick together), Cynth struck
chocolate milk (in a figurative sense) and
plopped her venture online. The man responsible
for inputting every word onto the internet, Biff
a former Frank Zappa roadie
misspelled Yazoo. Can you guess what
the misspelling was? Can you? Oh, you fiend!
Google. Cynthia went on to be the CEO of Google.
The Google inventor now sells flavoured milks
form his beige tepee somewhere inside the
crescent shape that forms when pixies weep. Woe
That was the Yazoo-Yahoo scandal. I trust that
your nodes were charged by that mini-tale. If not,
you will meet your dragons when the blimps come
back from their Air Hex.
Jet into the future.