Away in a Manger,
Darkly
by Walt
Giersbach
Independent
News and Media Ltd., 12 April 2010 A 66-year-old
man pleaded guilty today to having sex with a
horse and a donkey. Joseph Squires appeared at
Leicester Crown Court charged with buggery of a
donkey between February 2 and February 5, 1999,
and buggery of a horse between March 15 and 18,
2004. Defence counsel Amar Mehta, requesting he
be released on bail, said, “The defendant
does not have a stable address although he says
his daughter can provide an address.” Judge
Michael Pert QC refused the application and
remanded Squires into custody.
“I call
it rank discrimination, my not having a stable,”
Joseph Squires told the Independent News.
“Not only that, it’s prejudicial
against Maisie, my Shetland pony. Maisie and I
love each other.
“My town
has ordinances against putting a stable in the
back yard. That’s hardly a reason to keep me
behind bars. I believe Jesus was born in a stable.
“No one
frowns on May-December affairs anymore, Maisie
earns a small income plowing fields in season,
and there are places that allow gay marriages. Oh,
sure, they talk about the education differences
between Maisie and me. Maisie didn’t have
what you’d call ‘formal’ schooling,
but she can count by tapping her hoof.
That must be worth something.
“The
donkey—well, that was just a flight of fancy
when we met in a pub. Worse yet, it was the
donkey—I think her name was Sallie—who
gave testimony against me out of sheer jealousy.
Sallie was let go and I’m facing a jail term!
Is there no justice?
“I’m
facing serious prison time—just another
Socrates or Galileo penalized for his beliefs.
Worse yet, what if Maisie leaves me and goes
galloping off while I’m behind bars? You
know how coltish young females can be.
“Now, my
daughter is willing to put us up till I’m
sentenced, but she says we’d have to stay in
our bedroom when the Vicar visits on Sunday.
I’m just wondering, if Maisie had a nice
friend for the Vicar….”
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