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by John Brooke

The telephone call to First Response Services came late in the evening. 

“Hello, hello! Send ambulance and medical aid right now to the Found Bliss Retirement Community in Buttonville,” said a matron’s voice.  

“What’s the emergency?” asked the dispatcher.

The caller, flustered and shocked, simply repeated the location to the emergency responder.

“Listen, madam, this is serious. I need more specific details as to the injury or illness of the victim before I can respond to your request.” 

“Well, there are two of them. The lady is 75, and she and the gentleman were celebrating his 80th birthday when the tragic thing happened.”

“What is the nature of the tragedy, Madam?"

“I can’t find words to describe what I’m seeing at the moment. Plenty of strange things happen here, and I’ve worked in this retirement place for ten years. This situation is beyond description.”

“Please get a grip on yourself madam, calm down, tell me what the emergency is?”

“As I said, they celebrated his birthday in her apartment. It was apparent they both had too much dandelion wine. One thing lead to another and when he blew out the candles on his cake, the place plunged into darkness, they groped for each other and imagined they had become hot pubescent teenagers. They proceeded to tear their clothes off and hugged one another in naked, blind passion.”

“Please, just the facts ma’am.”

“They screamed for help. I heard the call and rushed to their aid. When I switched on the lights, a frightening vision flashed into plain sight. They didn’t look good naked, that’s for sure. Their aged wrinkled bodies had Velcroed onto one other. Two brawny male maintenance workers and I couldn’t pry the puckered old pair apart.” 

“An ambulance and ‘The Jaws-of-Life’ are on their way.”