Where Have All
The Kittens Gone?
by Alan Delaney
“…the
primary philosophy of the system is that the
majority of the wealth is held by a small elite,
leading to a competitive market that favours free
trade and neutral state regulation. Under the
system, the elite can earn income simply by
loaning money to the less wealthy and collecting
the money back over time...’ What am I
reading exactly?”
“It’s
called Capitalism, Sir. It’s the primary
political system on Zeragan III.”
“Savages.
And this is how they run their government?”
“Well,
ostensibly many of their governments follow a
cumbersome form of democracy, but the capitalists
run the governments, so yes.”
“Governments?”
“Ah…
yes. There’s more than one, Sir. Hundreds in
fact. But they’re getting there. Plans are
in operation for a one-world government as we
speak. But… umm…”
“Umm what?
Stop staring at your feet, man. Spit it out.”
“Well it
seems that not many people know about the plans.
The political caste is being quite secretive
about it.”
“Indeed.
So we have a small, low-resource planet with a
population of seven trillion, who
live…”
“Seven
billion, actually. Not trillion.”
“Seven
billion? I assumed that was a typo. I’ve
been on bigger mining colonies.”
“No Sir.
It wasn’t a typo. I double-checked that
myself.”
“Indeed.
So, seven billion, who can only live on one-third
of the planet’s surface, who don’t have
a global government, who operate under a barbaric
political system… Does this species have any
redeeming qualities? How about their technology?”
“Oh,
that’s quite advanced Sir. Long-range
nuclear weapons, orbital lasers systems,
microwave bombs, robot-mounted guns, missile
defence arrays. They’re quite resourceful
really. If we gave them access to our technology
there’s no telling what they could do with
it, if you catch my drift.”
“Indeed.
Wait… what does a planet with the population
of a large city need nukes for? Do they have many
enemies here?”
“Only
each other, Sir. In fact they don’t even
officially recognise the existence of non-terrestrial
life forms.”
“Wow. And
you say this is the primary sapient species on
the planet?”
“Actually
Sir, it’s the only one.”
“Uh…
Right, I’ve heard enough. How do you think
the environmentalists would react to a Code Seven?”
“Umm,
officially a Code Seven would be forbidden on any
inhabited body, but, under the circumstances,
I’m willing to bet that they’d be only
to happy to overlook this one. Just this once, of
course.”
“Of
course. Right, schedule a Code Seven sweep. Get
back to me when the salvage ships are ready to
move in.”
“Sir, I
do have one request?”
“Shoot.”
“There’s
one species on the planet that’s worth
saving. They’re called 'kittens', Sir.”
“Kittens.”
“Yes Sir.”
“And
what’s so special about them?”
“Well,
they make great pets, are quite intelligent, keep
themselves very clean, eat only when they’re
hungry, are easily domesticated yet can still
survive in the wild, and, well, they’re
really cute.”
“Cute?”
“Yes Sir.
Like baby Xibillin Sir, but cuter.”
“Nothing
in the universe is cuter than baby Xibillin.”
“Well, I
think I’ve found something cuter. Trust me
on this one.”
“Fine.
Save the kittens. Bring me one. Destroy
everything else.
“Yes Sir.
Right away.”
“OK, next
target. How about this one, Zeragan II?”
“Ah, now
that’s more encouraging…”
|
