Old Mickey
Fillet
by Amanda Reynolds
I like to
think that I’m good at my job and work hard
for a living stuffing dead insects and mounting
them in rather beautiful show cases. I live on my
own and am usually up to no good, tell lies and
cause all sorts of trouble, yes, I'm a bit of a
joker really. If you know of any rare or brightly
coloured insects that you could tell me about
I’d be very grateful, I’m always on the
look out for something out of the ordinary.
In my shed I
make friends out of wood, I talk to them and feed
them on orange peel and currant biscuits, I can
rely on them to keep a secret, they never let me
down or do nasty things behind my back. Me and my
friends sometimes go out for a meal together, we
go to our favourite pub, it’s all very cosy.
Recently I
have been considering taking on an assistant to
help me with some new projects that I am about to
start, the applicant must be keen and not be
afraid of getting a bit mucky, I can't give away
any more than that or it would spoil the element
of surprise.
On a Tuesday I
wear a pale lemon frock and purple sling back
sandals, I have a nice selection of hair clips
and jewelry to choose from, I feel that I’m
a lucky person and wouldn't want to change a
single thing.
My best friend's
name is Shirley, he rides a yellow motor bike and
sometimes lets me on the back. Shirley and me go
clothes shopping together, we are both very
fashion conscious people, as I don’t take
money out with me when I go shopping, Shirley
always pays.
I used to have
a very pleasant girl friend, we lived together
for a few years but I was very inconsiderate and
vile mannered towards her. Eventually it all came
to a head and she had me moved into the loft, she
persuaded me that this was the best thing for all
concerned and that the roof area was by far the
most comfortable part to inhabit.
Shortly after
I’d settled in she had a dangerously narrow
metal stair case built onto the outside of the
building, it was only a foot wide and had no
support railings, I thought at the time what a
very kind gesture this was on her part.
I’ve only
ever had two accidents on it to date, the first
one I fell straight down onto the paving slabs
below (quite lucky really) and the other involved
my hair getting caught on one of the steps as I
tripped and rolled down, I was suspended there
for an hour and a half. Still, no harm done.
The whole set
up is very convenient for her as she never has to
see my face again. I listen to her shrieking and
giggling down stairs with her friends, they know
I am ‘not quite right’ and so, take
full advantage of the situation, I am so lucky to
have such wonderful people around me!
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