Meet My Co-Workers
by Maranda
Russell
There are 5 of
us in my office (including me). The first, Terry,
scares the living crap out of me. She's bipolar
and a little bit psychotic. I am afraid one
of these days she will just up and kick my ass,
or maybe start shooting. I know she does
have a permit to carry a concealed weapon. I
always wondered how someone with a history of
mental illness, who has been diagnosed with
bipolar got a license to carry any kind of weapon?
One of the great mysteries of the universe I
guess.
The second
person, Carrie, is a drunkard. We are seriously
lucky if she doesn't come to work with a hangover...or
vomit in her hair. She has had several incidents
at the company parties. Once she got so
drunk she sat on a fire. Luckily, they dragged
her away from it before she roasted like a weiner.
At the other party it wasn't quite so drastic.
That time she just took off all her clothes and
ran outside to lay down in the middle of the road.
In the middle of a downpour. The one great
thing about Carrie is that you can tell her
anything and not worry about her spreading it
around. She's killed so many of her
braincells that she can't remember anything.
Third, is
Missy. Missy is a little bit of a superfreak. She
likes to go home with random men and take their
underwear off with her teeth. She also finds it
really funny to flash Catholic priests. She has a
plan for 2009. She is going to sleep with
nine men she has never slept with before (which
means she might have to leave the town or even
the county to find them.) You never leave
your man unsupervised around Missy. Although if
you have a grudge against an old boyfriend, you
might want to introduce him to her. Missy
is literally a walking encyclopedia of STD's.
Besides me (and
I'm normal, at least in relation to these people)
the only person left is Ruby, the new girl. This
girl seems nice enough but she is a moron.
Seriously, I think she spends all day just trying
to figure out how to turn on her computer. She
reminds me a lot of a quote I once read about
slinkies. Some people are just like slinkies,
they are essentially useless, but they still
entertain you when you kick them down the stairs.
So there you
have it...my wonderful world of co-workers.
Please pray for me! Or pray for them to all get
hit by buses!
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