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Meet My Co-Workers
by Maranda Russell

There are 5 of us in my office (including me). The first, Terry, scares the living crap out of me. She's bipolar and a little bit psychotic. I am afraid one of these days she will just up and kick my ass, or maybe start shooting. I know she does have a permit to carry a concealed weapon. I always wondered how someone with a history of mental illness, who has been diagnosed with bipolar got a license to carry any kind of weapon? One of the great mysteries of the universe I guess.

The second person, Carrie, is a drunkard. We are seriously lucky if she doesn't come to work with a hangover...or vomit in her hair. She has had several incidents at the company parties. Once she got so drunk she sat on a fire. Luckily, they dragged her away from it before she roasted like a weiner. At the other party it wasn't quite so drastic.  That time she just took off all her clothes and ran outside to lay down in the middle of the road. In the middle of a downpour. The one great thing about Carrie is that you can tell her anything and not worry about her spreading it around. She's killed so many of her braincells that she can't remember anything.

Third, is Missy. Missy is a little bit of a superfreak. She likes to go home with random men and take their underwear off with her teeth. She also finds it really funny to flash Catholic priests. She has a plan for 2009. She is going to sleep with nine men she has never slept with before (which means she might have to leave the town or even the county to find them.)  You never leave your man unsupervised around Missy. Although if you have a grudge against an old boyfriend, you might want to introduce him to her.  Missy is literally a walking encyclopedia of STD's.

Besides me (and I'm normal, at least in relation to these people) the only person left is Ruby, the new girl. This girl seems nice enough but she is a moron. Seriously, I think she spends all day just trying to figure out how to turn on her computer. She reminds me a lot of a quote I once read about slinkies. Some people are just like slinkies, they are essentially useless, but they still entertain you when you kick them down the stairs.

So there you have wonderful world of co-workers. Please pray for me! Or pray for them to all get hit by buses!