It's A Living
by Sam Mosley
Danby slowed his purposeful stride and checked
out his reflection in the shop window. "Fine
figure of a man," he mused. "Snap."
He glided into
the narrow alleyway, almost crashing into a
careful," barked Charles whilst negotiating
a swerve to the right. The ill clad young man
countered his swerve, pointed his jacket
pocket towards Charles and announced, "STICK
up?" quizzed Charles.
up," echoed an edgy Stefan. "Are
immigrant? Dash it man, the Danbys can be traced
back to Herewood The Wake. No, I am most certainly
money," menaced Stefan.
"I say, so you are an
actual immigrant," bawled Charles. "Well
I never. Do you know, you're the first that I've
actually spoken to. How quaint. Tell me..."
interrupted Stefan. "Just remember I can
shoot you," and demonstrating, waved his
jacket pocket menacingly.
offered Charles, "I was only about to
enquire as to how you were settling in?"
his head. "Well I like country."
He shrugged his shoulders. "But some of the
people, they are, what you say..."
"Okay I'm sorry, this is not the kind of job
I choose to do. I am educated. I sing God Save
The Queens. I try to be good citizen, but
presently I'm waiting for other jobs."
pleased to hear it, but offered that armed
robbery wasn't a very British calling.
shocked. "You mean this is not a trade?
But I was never informed was wrong.
Thought robbery was very British thing. You sure
or, how you say, you pulling my plonker?"
sure," confirmed Danby. "Moreover if we
can prove that no one ever informed you armed
robbery was against the law," he produced
his business card, "we can sue someone dizzy."
off. "I have no gun. Don't want sue,
just want to be good British citizen."
having none of it, pushing his card, "Of
course you do, it's exceptionally British!"
insistent. "No. I stop right now. Sorry and
appreciate you help. Just leave."
insist," sulked Danby. "Terrible
shame. Nice meeting you. Cheery bye."
cheery bye... But wait," called Stefan,
waving a wad of money. "What shall I do
with all my takings? After your advice, don't
want and can't give back."
course I actually furnished advice," panted
Dalby, "so one can help you out. So, my fees
for advice being £400.00 per hour or part of,
plus delays, travel. Sooo how much is there?"
righty," smiled Danby, "my fee is £600.00."
it's more like £700.00," corrected Stefan.
completed Danby. "Near enough. Thank you.
thanks to you," hollered Stefan, giving
Danby the thumbs up. "Have a nice day."
returning the call, "And you... And,
hey, don't be a stranger."