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Immaculate Deception
by John Brooke

I was the house dick in the last of the old fashioned Bigtown department stores. It was the day after Christmas, always was our biggest shopping day. I spotted her in the crowd.

One glance aroused my suspicions. She was too perfectly coifed, too immaculately fashionable. A shoplifter. Caught my eye, lead me on, played pique-a-boo with my libido. Seemingly handling the ‘merch’ like any typical shopper. I followed her down the escalator. Closed the gap between us.

She browsed the shoe department then booted it to the up escalator. I was behind, looking up her skirt. She was not a she. She was a he impostor hiding in Victoria’s Secrets. 

I was stunned. Get him quietly out of the store without any fuss. That was my job.

When we reached street level, I leaned forward and whispered in his ear. He blushed beet red, removed his coat loaded with boosted merchandise. He thrust it in my arms as I escorted him to the in-store Cop Shop near the exit.

“I told ya. Show a ‘litter respect, wear panties when you go shop lifting, eh buster.”