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Hubert's Story
by Maranda Russell

Hubert's favorite foods are paste and boogers. He spends every weekend with his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures. Hubert is a loser, but even worse than that, he is a moron. So when the class bully, Dean, invited Hubert to meet him in an abandoned warehouse after school for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Fan Club meeting, Hubert actually showed up. Of course, it wasn't really a fan club meeting going on, it was an elaborate scheme to torture the weak and stupid, aka Hubert.

Hubert walked into the derelict building and stopped short. The room was crowded by some kind of odd contraption. Dean approached Hubert and led him further inside.  "How you doing Huby old buddy?" Dean asked as he shoved Hubert towards the huge machine dominating the room. Several of Dean's pals were there and flipped the switch to turn the machine on. A loud roaring sound filled the room.

"I don't like this place." Hubert whimpered.

"Tough noogies." Dean laughed sarcastically as he hooked Hubert up to a large claw hanging out of the machine. "Do you have any idea what this one of a kind masterpiece is?" 

Hubert shook his head as he tried to wiggle free from the steel claw that was now hanging onto his shorts. 

"I like to call it my super duper wedgie pull." Dean explained as he patted the pile of steel affectionately. Dean pushed a button that started the claw moving rapidly up and down.  Hubert cried out in agony as he felt his shorts disappear up his crack again and again. Dean's buddies brought out a bowl of popcorn and sat down to watch the show. 

The next day, Hubert had a huge butt rash and couldn't walk. But maybe he wasn't quite as stupid as before.