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Help Wanted
byThomas Sullivan

May 2011: With an election approaching in the US and conservatives struggling to pick a leader, I thought it would be helpful to run a help wanted ad:

Wanted: Middle-aged, white male for national-level leadership position. Ideal candidate will possess limited intellectual capacity and no moral core. Job duties to include: re-framing previously failed economic policies, enhancing and expanding economic inequality, and presenting the replacement of senior health care with high-earner tax cuts as a form of patriotic discipline. All candidates must possess or be able to secure deep social and monetary connections to financial and/or defense contracting industries. New ideas not required. Previous experience in race-baiting and gay-bashing a plus. Physical resemblance to actors in dandruff shampoo commercials a major plus. Avowed Christian faith (however genuine) a must. Job requires relocation to Washington, DC. Housing provided.