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Flash Dancing With Words
by John Brooke

“Welcome aspiring flash fiction writers, to our show, ‘Flash Dancing With Words.’ Our mission is to raise the quality of flash fiction genre writing. The expert coaching will benefit the growing numbers of short patience, digital readers. Wannabe flash writers who ignore our guidance, will regress into creating rhyming poetry, drinking tea with their little pinkies extended, and using big words to communicate small ideas.”

“Your mentor every Sunday, Tuesday and Friday is Doctor Will Flasher.”

“Thanks Johnny, I’m eager to answer our listeners questions.”

“Here’s a letter from Los Vegas.”

“Dear Doctor Flasher,
I recently composed a delicious flash story about the wedding of a zombi and his vampire bride. The editor of the popular Open Raincoat eZine rejected my gem. She commented in her notification how my tale sucked dryly. Would you be so kind and comment on my attached rejected story. 
Yours sincerely,
Saliva Lipshtick”

Your story sucks dust. Vampires are smart, they would never bed a dried out crumbling zombi. To make this tale irresistible, simply exchange the zombi for a fresh village idiot.
Regards Doctor Flasher.”

“Another letter, one from Washington, DC”

“Dear Doctor Flasher,
My flash fiction piece about a one legged hobgoblin wrestling with Merlin, at the height of a total solar eclipse, truly isn’t working. Would you suggest a way to kick-start it into a compelling read?
Thank you, B. Belfry

“It’s obvious Belfry,
Your tale needs lubrication. I suggest you behead the stupid hobgoblin. Then use his head as a ball in a rousing game of croquet. Merlin is to provide the other balls.
Best wishes, Doctor Flasher

“Tonights final question.”

“Dear Doctor Flasher,
“I submitted my best flash fiction piece to The Daily Slayer. The nasty editor emailed this critique: Dear Dorothy, your tale is too far over the rainbow. Wanders over a crazy landscape with three heartless, brainless, and cowardly jerks. The insistent yapping of a small dog is a distraction to the reader, totally unacceptable. Use your imagination, dear? We are a class publication catering to a readership of sophisticated flash aficionados. They like fresh, steaming gore, with blood hot and squirting. Editor, Letitia Wormwood.
Oh Doctor Flasher, what are your thoughts about this? Yours in trust,
Pricilla Wrench.”

“Here’s Doctor Flashes response to Pricilla’s inquiry.”

“Dear Dorothy, er, Pricilla,
LETITCIA WORMWOOD’S A SNOB. ALWAYS PUTTING ON AIRES AND USING FANCY FOREIGN WORDS TO IMPRESS US… She wants the same old classic Grimm stuff. In your brief tale, try a cannibal witch living in a gingerbread house, or a sorceress french kissing a frog into a Prince. That could get Letitia to soften up a little. Just keep pounding away rewriting the ancient, hoary tales, and simply try, and try again.
Keep flashing, yours, Doctor Flasher.”

“That’s our program for Friday, listen for ‘Flash Dancing with Words,’ this coming Sunday, same time same station.”

“Remember folks, Doctor Flasher, admonishes you to scribble simple, use only minuscule words. Nighty nightmares!”