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Church Club
by David Stillwagon

The men’s Christian club got together on Thursday evening at 8 o’clock. I didn’t want to go but my wife thought it was a good way to meet people. I still didn’t want to go. The people there were kind of weird, almost creepy. They all grinned a little too much, as if they had a secret.

I didn’t think that there would be any initiation, you know, like paddling my ass or anything. We probably would just talk about God for an hour or so; then I would be out of there.

Everybody was happy to see me and they hoped that I would come back. I hadn’t even sat through their meeting yet. I guess they figured that I might not like the club. The head guy made me stand up and introduce myself. That wasn’t bad, except they were still grinning at me.

The meeting was about Noah and the ark. I knew the story well. Animals, two by two, go in the ark; everybody else drowns. They cut back on their grinning when they mentioned about the unbelievers slowly sinking.

I’m watching the time and it is really, really slow. I can’t believe that time could actually stop but it did.

Somebody tries to make a joke. He wished that Noah had forgotten to take mosquitoes on the ark. I guess he had been bitten a lot this summer. Everybody laughed. They thought that was real funny.

I thought I would take a chance at a little humor. I said that either Noah or his wife must have had crabs because we still have them today. It was the wrong material for this crowd.

Nobody bothered to ask me to come back after that, which was fine.