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Armageddon Rocks
by John Brooke

On stage The Severed Heads, a hot mainstream rock band is gyrating lewdly. They’re the opening act in this Galactic Battle of the Bands. Heavy metal visceral sound convulses the enormous rock and rolling audience. Before they can finish their set, a skin crawling wailing grows to inhuman shrieking. It overpowers their act.

This showstopper is the signature sound of a rival band, The Living Dead. They stumble from the wings onto the stage, with blank faced humorless expressions. They wear recently exhumed rotted fashions that match their decomposing flesh-tones. Vile body odor soon identifies them as Zombies. Caution, living human beings, hearing their monotonous musical dirge, are at risk of being stunned into pliant edible Zombie fodder.

Up Uranus joins The Living Dead and The Severed Heads on stage. A Planetary Alien ensemble whose clicking bugs wings and writhing rhythms soon eclipses the somber dirge of The Living Dead. They are barely into their, out of this world set when…! A chorus of inhuman howls and yelps drowns them out.

A drooling pack of Hirsute Humanoids, dominates the stage with growling intense riffs and territorial barking vocals. The rocking crowd is really smoking. A refreshing whoosh of wings, suddenly stirs the air.

This coolly ushers in the unmistakable seductive sucking sounds of The Carotids. Female Vamps with amps. Their black and white beauty and blood red lips soon pumps up the venue.

Battle of the rock-bands builds as, The Severed Heads respond in counter point. When contrapuntally as Up Uranus shimmers into the mix followed by the syncopated yelps of The Hirsute Humanoids. The driving death rattling percussion of the Living Dead, hammers the music together.

All the bands are jiving and rocking on stage, vying with one another. Then jam and blend harmoniously. The volume builds. The audience goes ballistic. Levels so high, ears bleed.

Tension and excitement onstage is stratospheric, teetering on the razor edge of control. Then it happens! The Hirsute Humanoids, turn on The Carotids, and in one giant guitar clash, they attempt to devour them all. Before they can sink in their canine teeth, The Living Dead Zombies are smashing in their skulls, and scooping out their brains. The Carotids come back to life and tear the bloodless Zombies apart, limb from limb, in a disappointed frenzy.

The stage is awash with slime and body parts. Those buggers, Up Uranus keep the show rolling and rocking. Exhausted The Carotids, prissy themselves across the stage bitching; “We’re going to squash you like the bugs you are!” Spotting the threat, these Planetary Aliens whip out their ‘phasers’ and beam The Carotids up to Uranus.

The raunchy crowd roars its approval! “Up Uranus wins!”

First prize: Planet Earth!