A Good Clean
by Roger Freed
and gentlemen, welcome to the mixed weight
division fight for the championship of the
Presidency!" barked the announcer to the
rabid crowd in the arena. "On our right,"
he gestures towards toward a corner, "we
have Barack Obama and his sidekick Joe Biden.
They put their arms up to the crowd smiling.
Obama is clad in a Kenyan dashiki while
Biden wears a blue working class shirt and jeans.
other side we have John McCain..." he steps
out wearing a red, white and blue outfit
resembling both the US flag and Superman, "and
Sarah Palin!" Wolf whistles sound as Palin
steps forward in a curvacious Wonder Woman outfit
that accentuates her figure. Men hoot and howl.
participants, you know the rules- a good, clean
fight." McCain and Plain stay tight while
Obama and Biden break up. McCain, falling back on
his navy boxing experience, begins throwing fists.
Obama assumes a street fighting posture learned
from his childhood in South Chicago. McCain
connects a punch to Obama's gut, but Obama
quickly counters with a roundhouse kick to McCain's
Biden and Palin are squaring off, Palin's old 'barracuda'
basketball self coming through as she
relentlessly lunges at Biden who is not striking
isn't suppossed to hit a woman, nor is he
suppossed to hit a person with glasses."
off her glasses and throws them to the crowd. She
yells "I'm from Alaska where men are men and
so are women!" and leaps on Biden. Biden
grapples and throws her over. After rolling about
for a few moments it is noticed that Biden's Levi's
have a bulge and that his wrestling moves look
more like fondling. Deep throated moans emit from
pig!' screams Palin, trying to push him off her.
vision blocked by Palin's cleavage, doesn't see
her husband Todd charging over the ropes. In a
scene reminiscent of the best of WWF wrestling
Todd 'First Dude' Palin smashes a folding chair
on a writhing, lust imbued Biden who rolls
up in agony in a fetal position.
On the other
part of the mat Obama is warding off McCain's
jabs with karate style knife blocking. suddenly a
yell comes up from the arena's crowd as a mad
Dick Cheney, his eyes bugging and as red as a
weasel on Red Bull, runs forward priming a rifle
and yelling "You're not going to take it
away from me!" He levels his sights on Obama.
McCain, his Vietnam instincts coming back to him,
leaps in front of Obama taking the hit.
tackles Cheney who is dragged away ranting "I
will be Emperor! I will!" Obama kneels down,
tears staining his face as he holds McCain.
his strength, saying "It is a far
better thing I do now than I have ever done
before... oh damn, that was stupid as hell!"
then passes out as they carry him out.