Celeb Selling
by Kamna Chhabra
There was
slight curiosity in the school and that too only
amongst a handful who were directly involved, but
the loud buzz that, invariably, surrounds the
coming of a famous person was conspicuously
missing. Of course, some titbits of
information had been sent to us to assist in
introducing the lady to our students, but it wasn't
enough. After all, her recent ‘achievement’
deserved more weighty fare. When asked to anchor
the event, I turned to the internet- only to
discover what I already knew, with the web, too,
nearly silent about such a ‘personality.’
Now, a language teacher is expected to use her
linguistic prowess on occasions like these. And
so, I readied myself to sing hosannas to the
supposed celebrity. She arrived, predictably
quite late, like any true-blue celeb. But, dear
readers, make no mistake- here the comparisons
end. My colleague and I, standing at the school
gate with a bouquet and some rehearsed words,
could not believe what we saw- our eyes nearly
popping out and jaw lines dropping. The lady
alighted from her vehicle wearing- oh my, a tiara!
Honestly, we’d never seen a more stately
arrival.
Mrs India, yes that was what her crown was
announcing all the time, made us believe that her
engagements for the day were choc-a-bloc and,
consequently, she would be with us briefly.
Hearing this and nodding in agreement, we took
her straight to the auditorium where the children
were waiting. Though sceptical and nonplussed
with her mannerisms, still I wanted to hype her
coming and play the good host.
Unfortunately, all my plans went for a toss when
she insisted on introducing herself. She began
and went on and on, leaving the children
scratching their heads, just as we were
scratching ours. Her strutting and stuttering
appeared bizarre and comical. Far from earning
cheers, Mrs. India reprimanded the gathering for
their stoic silence, calling them ‘undisciplined.’
Poor ones, labelled so for sitting quiet. Very
uniquely, we had a celebrity who wanted to be
seen, heard, and applauded, rather than having an
audience desperate for glimpses, bytes, and photo-ops.
In her self-aggrandizement, the newly crowned
beauty queen forgot that she had a supposedly
busy timeline. In between her gloating, we
managed to present her with a memento- the only
thing that went as planned. Her flaunting and
vaunting, however, made it clear that the beauty
pageant she had won was her first and only ‘achievement,’
if it could even be considered as such. The
program ended abruptly as I seized one of her
rare pauses to announce the conclusion with a
thank-you note that carried more relief than
gratitude. Yet, as she headed for the door, she
once again asked for the mic, reminding the
children to visit and like her Instagram page. So
much for a celebrity.
As an afterthought, let me tell you about a
school principal I know who has been collecting
trophies year after year in forums of dubious
credibility. In this way, she adds to her
overflowing cabinet. However, each endeavour of
hers sets her back by 15 to 20 thousand rupees.
No, you’re not supposed to read between the
lines, but if you see a connection... well, like
the rest of the world, you’re smart.
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