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Yukapalooza DragonFest
by Bob Iozzia

One pre-pandemic afternoon, I frequented my fifth-favorite antique shop, Mrs. Pickwick’s Papers & Whatnot, which specializes in old documents, maps and whatnot. I was blown away to discover, mixed in with a pile of Bondage and Kink Today magazines, a manuscript of jokes from a 1600s English comedy festival, Yukapalooza DragonFest.

What follows are some of the still-legible jokes.


Clark of Kent:

Young Dragon King Thag of Mung, recently a bridegroom for the first time and wanting to perpetuate "that new bride smell," legalized polygamy. When Alice, his starter wife complained, she was shackled to a lyre and ordered to play romantic melodies during the King’s honeymoon with wife # 2. This grunge act, soon to be copied by other kings in other kingdoms, came to be known as an Alice in Chains.

Bruce of Bath:

A dandy and a dragon walk into a roadside inn. “Pardon me, innkeeper,” says the dandy, “do you serve peasants?”

“Of course, I do, sir,” says the innkeeper.

“Splendid,” says the dandy. “I’ll have a Mead Lite—half flax, half calf, and my dragon will have a peasant.”

Kenneth of Kingsmead:

What do you get if you crossbreed a dragon with a cow? I don’t know but be careful when you pull on its udders.        

William the Leper:

Did you hear about the constipated young dragon who cried “wolf?” No one believed him because he was known to be full of shit.

Ned of North West Southhamptonshire Village East

A dragon, God, and Jonah were playing cards. Jonah asks the dragon, “Got any twos?” The dragon says, “Go fish.” Just as Jonah is about to draw a card, God pushes his hand away and says, “No, seriously—go fish.”

Clive of Cambridge:

A dragon, taking a casual walk through the countryside, happens upon a beggar. The beggar says to the dragon, “Good day, friend. I haven’t had a bite in a fortnight.”

The dragon pauses in thought before saying to the beggar, “See here, my good man, everyone within earshot of my blazing growl expects me to bite you … or some clichéd rot like that. But I am nobody’s puppet, so my inclination is to share my berries and nuts with you and then be on my way.

“On the other hand, I am a creature of habit who occasionally succumbs to peer pressure and is starving for some meat. Sorry.”

And so, the dragon reverted to kind and devoured the beggar in only one bite.

Niles of Nettleton:

A traveling potions monger comes upon a sorcerer’s hovel in the forest. There he encounters an old wizard, relaxing on a rocking toadstool whilst petting a contented-looking baby dragon.

“Good day and the Lord’s blessings to you,” the monger says. 

As he tentatively extends an arm to pet the baby beast’s head, the monger asks the wizard, “Does your dragon bite?”

“No,” the old wizard answers.

Semi-armed with shaky confidence, the monger inches his arm closer to the dragon pup. And with the ferocity of a nymphomaniacal whore at a bacchanalian bachelor party, the dragon bites off the monger’s arm up to its elbow.

The monger screams out in hemorrhaging pain, “I thought you said your dragon doesn’t bite!”

“He doesn’t,” the wizard replied. “This isn’t my dragon.”