The Wise King
by Albert Russo
Oh you don’t believe
me, hey! There are much worse stories than this
one.
The poor servant of a crazy
Prussian prince who had the misfortune of letting
out a fart that almost axfixiated the ladder,
was sent to the gallows where he was hanged with
a hook tied to his backside. No, I won’t
give you more details, it’s too cruel and
disgusting to describe.
In order to put some sense
into your brainless lil heads, I’ll quote
some of King Solomon’s most famous proverbs.
The more you are
corrected, the more you learn; only fools think
they are perfect.
A soft answer turns
away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
A good attitude is good
medicine, but a broken spirit dries up your bones.
Wow, did he mean that you suddenly turn into a
skeleton, losing all your flesh? This proverb
will give me nightmares.
A true friend is one
who sticks by you, specially when times are hard.
He can say that again. I have a classmate
called Jenny la Jerk and she only sweet talks to
me when she needs a favor or wants to copy my
homework. I know that behind my back, she says
that I am a bitch. Do you know why? She’s
jealous of my lovely skin and my lean figure. The
poor thing has so many pimples - she doesn’t
stop pressing them, you’d think that a ripe
pomegranate has exploded in her face - and a schnozzle
inherited from her aristocritically
French ancestors - coz she loooves to show off,
repeating to all and sundry, even on Sundays,
that she has blue blood. That’s also why her
fat legs are covered with varicose veins, too
disgusting to look at! And she has the gall - yuk
her mouth stinks - to call me her very best
friend.
A good reputation is
better than great riches. To be respected is
better than silver or gold. Ok, but I still
like when my uncle buys me a silver bracelet or a
lil gold pendant.
With King Solomon, peace
and happiness had returned to the country and he
became famous in every nation around Israel for
his honesty and sense of justice, but mainly
because he traded with them. That’s also
when he built the Great Temple in Jerusalem -
exactly where the Dome of the Rock mosque now
stands, so folks, stop saying that there was
nothing there before. There’s archeological
proof, ok!
Things were not always
perfect tho. In some of the villages outside
Jerusalem there were quite a few poor people, and
the ladder started complaining that they
had to reserve most of their grain crops for the
king’s horses so that they had little left
for themselves. Hee haw! They didn’t dare
demonstrate like the thousands of ‘yellow
vests’ do in France nowadays, on account
that the king wouldn’t tolerate such furious
complaints, with all those fires and broken
windows in the streets of Paris and elsewhere.
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