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The Stink of Jealousy
by Albert Russo

Goddess changed the names of the couple into Abraham, which means Father of the Many, and Sarah, on account that the ladder would soon become the Mom of all Nations.

Still believing that she was much too old to become pregnant, and that thus and therefore Goddess was again bullshitting her, Sarah told her hubby: “Try to do the business with our maid Hagar.” Just after having uddered those words, she bit her tongue, almost cutting its tip, out of jealousy, a feeling women hadn’t known yet. “What the heck have I suggested?” she thought, introducing the first adulteress to humanity.

A lovely son was born to Hagar, named Ishmael. He grew up to become a handsome and vigorous lad. Hagar was very proud of him, and knew instinctively that the descendants of her son would spread over the mountains, the deserts and the oceans.

Sarah noticed how fresh and ladida her maid was getting, and started pulling her hair then stuffed her fingers in her nostrils, trying to commit suicide. But she was tougher that the hide of an elephant great-grandmother, and soon she was breathing as loudly as the future trumpets of Jericho, causing a mini storm around her. Poor Abraham was in a fix, now that his wifey and his maid started hating each other’s guts.

In the meantime, furious that Lot and his tribe messed around setchually and otherwise, Goddess destroyed their city, and they consequently all had to flee. Poor Lot’s wife turned around in spite of the fact that She had forbidden her to do so. That was when she turned into a statue of salt - she became the first Jewish mummy.

This terrible turn of event scared Abraham to the marrow - whoah, do I looove to spread bone marrow on rye toast and to sniff the smell of burnt bread and warm goo for a few seconds, before sinking my teeth into it!

Why do you suppose Goddess acted with such harshness? To warn Abraham of course, so that he wouldn’t try any kind of untoward shenanigans. From then on, the ladder swore to himself to act righteously, so much so that his teeth began to chatter, knocking off his incisives. That’s when people became chatterboxes, on account that they wanted to replace the lost teeth with wordy nonsense. Nowadays billions of humans do the same on social networks. You oughta read what trash one finds there!

Loo and beebee be bop a lula hold your breath, toothless and her hair as rare as the dried leaves of a burnt corn field, old Sarah expected a baby. She gave birth to a boy her hubby and she named Isaac. Ishmael who was already a pre-teen started to boast that he was the important guy of the family and he started bullying his half-brother. Sarah didn’t like that at all and complained to Abraham.

Things between Hagar, Sarah and their two sons were getting really bad. They couldn’t stop quarrelling.