The Saga of
Guffaw the Lighthearted—An Abbreviated
History of Standup Comedy
by Bob Iozzia
Zak, the God
of Dirt, in the guise of a pumpkin gourd, seduces
mortal farmer's daughter Leadesmerelda. Two days
after the seduction, a child is born to
Leadesmerelda—Guffaw, the future inventor of
standup comedy.
6-week-old Guffaw is a fully formed young man
with innate skills of sarcasm and joke structure.
At a funeral pyre for a jerk, Guffaw cracks mean
jokes about the deceased, creating the first
comedy roast.
As a result of his success at the funeral, Guffaw's
insult patter is in demand. His second appearance
is at a beheading.
With two boffo shows under his sash, Guffaw books
his first paid gig at the Palace of the Lesser
Known Gods. Onk the Rat Juggler, opening act at
Guffaw's Palace gig, is executed mid-act—the
first case of dying on stage. Also during Guffaw's
Palace act, the tribal chief laughs to death—the
first incident of a comedian killing an audience.
Guffaw books a worldwide tour, which in those
days encompassed only four villages within
walking distance. He reserves a sleeping shelf in
a hostel, which back then was called a hostile
because of raucous clientele.
Guffaw's first show, at Hecklahr's Hill Hole,
initially confuses the audience, who have never
witnessed comedy. During Guffaw's set, rude Hill
Hole owner Hecklahr and staff yell insults,
eventually known as heckling. Guffaw wins over
audience when he silences hecklahrs with the very
first utterance of ‘Your Mamma’ sex
slams.
After his set, Guffaw is entertained backstage by
world's first groupies, who call themselves the
Mudcasters.
Guffaw's next gig is at Carnage College as
opening act to philosopher/stripper Socratease.
Carnage College audience howls at Guffaw's jokes
about latest youth trend—getting literally
stoned.
Socratease refuses to follow Guffaw's wildly
successful set, claiming a pastie malfunction.
Guffaw's stardom is born when he goes on for
Socratease as Socratease, with wine
bladders for breasts.
After Carnage College show, Guffaw is visited by
Yuk, the God of Humor, in the guise of a whoopi
cushion. Guffaw sits on whoopi cushion God of
Humor, who farts a warning to beware of joke
thieves.
In audience at next gig, Guffaw spots two men
with stone tablets & chisels, apparently
recording his jokes. Guffaw confronts the
chiselers, who identify themselves as novelty
acrobats Plagiarism & Poach. Hoping to rattle
him during his act, joke stealers Plagiarism
& Poach pelt Guffaw with blueberries.
Blueberry-stained but unfazed Guffaw peppers his
set with obscenities directed at Plagiarism &
Poach. Audience enthusiastically cheers blueberry-stained
Guffaw's raw set—first time a comic works
blue.
God of Humor, now in the guise of a pile of bull
excrement, scolds Guffaw for seemingly becoming
too big for his toga. Guffaw: "Bullshit."
And the rest of standup’s history you all
know.
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