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The Mouse Vote
by Bill Tope

The newspapers lately have been filled with personal endorsements from concerned citizens regarding the upcoming local elections. After a while they all sound the same:  "I've known Candidate X for seventy-five years, he's an Eagle, a Rotarian, helps little old ladies, across the street; blah, blah, blah."  This got me to thinking, which is always dangerous.

When I was a student in college, I once served as election commissioner for the student government elections.  In addition to those "official" candidates who had their names printed on the ballot, there was provision for write-in candidates. I found during that election and, indeed, in practically every subsequent student election, that Mickey Mouse was far and away the name most written in on the ballots.  Remembering this gave me an idea.

What if a majority of the voters in the upcoming election wrote in Mickey Mouse in lieu of a "regular" candidate?  In the first place, it would relieve the tension between the various "straight" candidates who are scrambling for votes and fighting tooth and nail for each one. There would be no resultant hard feeling over election results if every human being lost; who could hate a cartoon mouse?

Secondly, just imagine the prosperity imminent, should the Disney Corporation take over local government. Politics is already a circus; let it become a theme park. And with lucrative Disney--the brains behind the hapless rodent--in control, there would be balloons, Snow White dancing down Main Street, candy, party favors, clowns on horseback, you name it; the sky's the limit.  And the local police could patrol the streets in those spinning cups we've all seen on TV.

And finally, there would be a $165 per person "entry fee" for any non-resident who crosses the city's borders.  And street venders could sell Cokes for $10 a pop.  Forget speed traps, we'll have the dough just flowing in.  Imagine the opulence, imagine the notoriety.  Just imagine!

Originally published by the (Alton, Illinois) Telegraph.