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The Great Destruc-stress
by Albert Russo

Now let’s move on to the next disaster: the Great Flood, which was the first ever Goddess-induced Tsunami. So, in her Holy Wrath, seeing that she had been neglected, rejected then forgotten by Her ungrateful people, Goddess decided to wipe out, like Herr Hitler did with Her Chosen Folk in the twentieth century AD, the existing human population, except for old Noah and his lil family. She even growled that She was sorry She ever created humans on account that they could be so corrupt and so violent. Whoooom did they imitate, fer cryin’ out loud? Korrupt like Krap!

“Now, Your Sanc-titties - I saw at the Louvre the figurine of a Misshyppopotamian goddess, who had many more titties than a cow. Lady Goddess, oh Emperess of all the black holes hovering over our poor lil heads, ready to swallow us live - yes I’m talking to Thee again, oh Very Gracious Mistress of the You Me-Verse—, if Thou art so mighty, so omniscientific, and so ominously knowledgable, how come You didn’t foresee all of this, since you supposedly made Lilith and Eve to Your image. Your Cranktity, you have them at your beck and call; you gave them a precocious birth and they came out full of defects and ugly warts. Did I say that before? Goood, coz one cannot accept this kinda stuff coming from Our Crafts & Arts Mentoress. This I call sheer devilishly unfinished business. And You are surprised why so many people nowadays believe You are a figment of some holy trashination.”

Yeah, she also dumped every animal she had created; jeezettte what did they do to deserve this? She repeated that shtick when She snuffed out the dinosaurs much later. She must have atishooed and farted with the force of a thousand nuclear bombs, they disappeared so fast. Here is another ass-side for you curious, admirable geeks. Remember Brigitte Bardot, France’s sex symbol in the times of my grandparents? She’s still with us, but you wouldn’t recognize her, coz she chose to look like a fat seal, a species she is known to protect with all her soul? Well, she gave up her film career in which her boobs got booby-trapped, in order to dedicate her life to our non-human cousins, and decided to turn her back to society, so much so, that she now prefers hogs to her own son. I wouldn’t dare go near her, coz nowadays she prefers to walk barefoot in pigsties - she insists on being natural at all cost and stink - whereas before she used to dance without ballet pumps but smelled of Channel Nr 5. Who told you I have no respect for her? I consider her a role model of manimalesque etiquette and cohabitation, something our Goddess neglected eons ago, too busy that She is fostering wars left, right and center, like She is playing video games.