Swiping for Love
by Teresa Gauthier
Swipe left…..
Swipe right….find the love of your life!
Easy right? But what if you got it mixed up?
“You know
Marta, I think you are very brave doing online
dating, I just don’t think I could do it if
anything happened to my John. But tell me, who’s
the latest?”
“Look Lou,
I didn’t drive three hours to update you on
my love life, or lack of one, I should say. I
drove up to beautiful Bellingham to see your
dream retirement home and honestly for that
homemade pasta that you promised me.”
“Nonsense
Marta. Now as soon as I pop this cork, you will
pull up that app and show me how it works.”
Marta had already pulled up the site on her phone
when Lou handed her a glass. They looked together
at the profiles that came up.
“My
goodness, it’s like shopping! That guy is
holding the most humongous fish…” Marta
interrupted Lou, “ Not interested. Swipe
right. I am done looking at guys who post fishing
and motorcycle pictures”.
“Now some
of these profiles sound intriguing and what does
sapiosexual mean?” Marta giggled, “Oh
let’s not go there, just swipe right on that
one. I am ready for the new man of my
dreams. After all, I already had one man of my
dreams, until he had the very bad manners to die…”
Marta sighed. “But seriously, I do think I
could fall in love again if I could just find the
new love of my life. I know you don’t
understand the online dating thing, but it seems
to be the best option in today’s world. None
of my friends, including you, by the way, know
any eligible men who are not totally decrepit.”
“I get it,
Marta. So what criteria are you using? What would
your new perfect or close to perfect guy look
like?”
“Tall,
and handsome! Ha! Okay, at my age, scratch tall…hmm
scratch handsome…so that leaves me not ugly
and at least taller than me and I’m 5 '4. I
look to see that he is educated, exercises, wants
a relationship, and has some sort of faith. He
can’t smoke or take marijuana. Hair and a
nice smile are a plus and the frosting is a
romantic opening line that melts my heart…oh
and no more long-distance romances”. Marta
grins, “What the heck. I can dream,
right? I am just putting that out to the universe!”
“Marta,
the universe will find you the right guy. It is a
shame though that it’s so hard to just meet
someone in your own hood. Serendipity, that’s
what’s needed!”
“Funny
you should say that. I saw a guy the other day at
the Department of Licensing. I was there to renew
my car tabs and I saw this attractive, really
attractive tall man who was clean-shaven, had
nice gray hair, and was well dressed. He was
smiling at me and I guess I smiled back. He was
waiting for a particular agent and I was in and
out really quickly….darn that DOL customer
service! Anyway, there was something about him
and I wanted to linger to meet him, but there was
just no opportunity. I remember thinking that I
would remember his face and who knows maybe if it’s
meant to be, we would see each other again.”
“Oh, you
mean like this one?” Marta peers over Lou’s
shoulder and draws in her breath. Lou continues,
“What a smile and those eyes! He’s
retired, wants to travel, doesn’t smoke or
take marijuana, socially drinks, is looking for a
relationship,….and he goes by he/him!”
Lou chuckled and continued to scroll through the
profile. Then she said, “Oh wait, seriously,
this one’s good. Henley lives in Olalla and
that is close to you. He’s got a great
name and is so unusual. Look at what he
wrote: “I do think I could fall in love
again if I could just find the new love of my
life!”
Marta took the
phone in her own hand and scrolled, taking a long
look at the profile. “Lou, you will think I
am whacked, but that’s the guy!”
“The guy?”
“Yeah,
the DOL guy. I swear it's him!”
“Ok, now
I have goosebumps. Talk about luck!”
“Lou, I
am swiping left now!”
Suddenly,
Marta flopped down on the floor and gave a loud
groan. Lou raced to her, “Marta, what is
wrong?”
“I am so
stupid, what was I thinking? I got it mixed up.
Swipe right means you are interested, not left
... Oh my…I have just traded in Mr. Right
for sapiosexual Mr. Wrong!!”
“Are you
sure? Let me goog… Damn. Uh, can you
go back and change your mind?”
“No,”
sighed Marta. I only use the free app and can’t
return on swipes. It’s too late.”
She ruefully handed Lou her glass, saying, “Win
some and lose some! Surely the universe just
saved me from meeting an ax murderer!”
Lou clinked
Marta’s glass, “That’s the spirit!
Cheers, and guess what? It’s pasta time!”
***
Marta drove
south along the I-5 corridor, pleased that the
traffic was reasonable. She had lots of
time to think and she had finally stopped chiding
herself for what she called her directionally
challenged swiping. She was approaching the
Narrows Bridge when a line of sirens and lights
appeared out of nowhere behind her. She pulled
quickly over, her heart thumping. There were four
Tacoma police vehicles that raced past her. She
had no idea where they were headed and it wasn’t
until the next day that she saw a posting on the
internet that at least eight police vehicles had
responded to a bloody domestic incident in Olalla.
The names of the victims were not released but
the escaped convict, Mark Henley had been
arrested.
Marta looked
at the home page of her phone and uninstalled the
dating app. She went for a long drive and
stopped at Arco to buy a lottery ticket.
Swiping
for Love by Teresa Gauthier
Copyright September 2023- All Rights Reserved
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