So Many
by Ian Curtress
At last his mind, his
sanity was returning. He remembered his loving
Wife, his adorable five year old son. He had lost
weight and was a mess. Remembered how fit he used
to be.
Another World to which he no longer belonged.
His behaviour to his family was unforgivable. The
past year had been grotesque. Wandered, slept
rough, starved. But they will never understand.
You hand in your uniform, get a pat on the back
and be expected to return to civilian life. A
life you do not recognise. As alien as another
planet. An escape. There is no escape.
To be surrounded every moment of every day by a
nightmare of horror. Death the norm.
Don’t become close to anyone because they
will soon be gone, unless you are lucky and go
first.
How happy he was to have survived, looking
forward to seeing his family again. To bring the
shutters down on a world of indescribable hell.
But it was a different kind of hell. Everything
was clean, calm, eerie.
Warm with wholesome food and sleep. But the sleep
brought nightmares. Feelings of guilt for
surviving.
Others were still there, suffering, dying. He was
safe. Safe from what. Everyday he was still there,
still with them!
He had to escape. Knew he was harming his loved
ones. Emotions out of control. And so he ran.
Sleeping rough and at risk, hungry and unwashed.
At home!
He had been two nights in a hostel, eaten well
and slept soundly. Was clean and felt respectable.
Noticed a lovely sunrise, first appreciated for a
long time.
He saw the date on a newspaper and realised he
was crying. Tomorrow was his seventh wedding
anniversary.
The Charity running the hostel had given him
twenty pounds to get him started. He made the
first real decision for a long time and it felt
good
There’s an old Inn on the river Wye where he
had proposed to his Wife and he knew he had to be
there for that day.
By getting two lifts and considerable walking he
was seated outside by two o’clock. Looking
at the river, listening to the birdsong, he
couldn’t describe his emotions.
Wonderful memories, great sadness and regret.
He had slumped on the seat thinking what might
have been when a dog jumped up at him.
Attached to the dogs lead was a not so small boy
with tears in his eyes. Then a soft gentle hand
he knew so well clasped his…
Come on, we’re going home. So many didn’t…..
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