Shopping Around
by Ian Curtress
Only once do
they visit my garden pond now, a visit never
forgotten!
Being so disambulated at losing valuable
ornamental fish one after another
I was deverminated something had to be done.
Wikipedia gave me a pointer
then google and finally a site which popped up
from the upper reaches of the Amazon.
They have a small franchised branch shop called
Handy Andes near Mongabay
It specialises in pest breeding. They will breed
a pest to your requirements and for any purpose
or size. They even ava conda but that’s not
for sale.
My spec was something which would live happily
with my fish but conceal itself until
an intruder enters. Then to give it a very
discumplicating fright.
He said it would come as an egg to drop in the
water.
Once that is done it’s advisable to refrain
from paddling.
Payment was preferred in dollars or green shield
stamps. However, we settled on twenty of my gold
top foil milk tops. These were cleaned and
pressed and I assured them these were valuable
and would gain two adults free access into
Birmingham Town Hall.
In due course the egg arrived, disguised as a
coconut with several warning stickers such
“Do not shoke vehemently” “keep
coal and do not overhate”
(couldn’t get Prime as Amazon don’t
recognise Gold Top)
Anyway, couldn't wait to put it in my pond, which
I did with some trepidation.
There was a muffled crack and then a fizz. Water
went green but soon cleared.
I cautiously peered in but could see only pieces
of shell.
I was on the landing window when I saw the big
tabby, that has had many a feed at my expense,
climb down to the pond. As his head approached
the water surface there was
a splash and half the cat disappeared. It was
held there for a short time then released.
That cat went down my garden in leaps which would
have put a kangaroo to shame.
Has not been seen since.
There’s a large dog fox I feed at night. He
has a beautiful coat and although I like him
visiting he had become greedy. After eating his
meal he began having a fish course.
There was a scuffle the other night, water
splashing everywhere. I put outside lights on in
time to see him clearing my five foot rear fence
by about two feet.
He still comes for his nightly meal but gives the
pond a very wide berth. I notice he has a white
stripe down the middle of his back.
So my problem is solved but I can’t help
wondering what it is that’s solving it.
Can’t see anything. Daren’t put my hand
in. What happens when I have to clean the pump
and filters.
I contacted Handy Andes for advice and spoke to a
Dr.Mongo (Ph.D or witch) ? and he said he couldn’t
be much help as they have the same problem.
They put a spare egg in the local river and now
no one will fetch water.
They have been forced to up sticks and move to
the coast, leaving Amazon and settling
at a place called E.Bay.
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