Samson
by Albert Russo
I just looove when Tom
Jones sings Delilah. He must have
thought of Samson when he composed the song. But
that wasn’t a love story that ended well.
Yeah, not all couples can live happily ever after,
and have a bunch of cry babies.
An Israelite gal was
picking berries in the field when Goddess
appeared to her.
“You will have a boy
from your husband,” She whithpered
to her quadraphonically, “so no
shenanigans with other men, ok! After his bar-mitzvah
he will keep Israel free from the Philistines.
But the one condition for that to succeed is that
you must never cut his hair, for all his strength
will come from there.”
When the girl told her
hubby what she heard, he thought she was raving
… mad. It wasn’t often that Goddess
spoke to commoners. She did have conversations
with leaders like Abraham or Moses, but those
were still people, even though they were
important.
Samson grew up to be a real
hunk, with muscles bulging all over his body. His
mom made certain that he never lost a single hair
and that he wouldn’t shave either since it
was Goddess Herself who gave the boy that
formidable strength. There was one condition
however: that he never cut his hair lest he
become a wimp like most of his apples and
pears.
Between you and me, I don’t
like beards, coz the day I’ll kiss my beau,
I don’t want to have skin rash and lice
crawling inside my own hair. Yuk, but in them eonized
times they didn’t mind B.O. and critters, on
account that their skin was much tougher than
ours, being outdoors most of the time, hunting
big game or poor lil hares and gazelles for their
meals, in all types of weather, whether it
sizzled, drizzled or frizzled, with no
heater, no fans, nor air-conditioners and no
deodorants.
Jeezette have we become
sissies, men included, except for the young
Israelis, boys and girls, who have to serve in
the army for three and two friggin years
respectively, to defend their country against
bloodthirsty enemies who, even before
Independence, dreamt of shoving all the Jews into
the sea.
One day, Samson, now an
irresistible young man who made every girl blush,
told her parents: “My dearest ones, I fell
in love with the most beautiful woman I have ever
seen. She is a Philistine.”
“A what … a Phili …a Phili …
intestine?” stuttered his mother.
They were both flabbyghosted,
on account that in those very racist days, no one
ever married outside the clan, mind you if you
read Shake’m Pear’s ‘Romeo
and Juliet’, you’d learn that their
parents who were enemies forbade them to bathe
together, fool around in the forrest and become
husband and wife.
Today, people still look
down on mixed marriages.
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