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by Albert Russo

I just looove when Tom Jones sings Delilah. He must have thought of Samson when he composed the song. But that wasn’t a love story that ended well. Yeah, not all couples can live happily ever after, and have a bunch of cry babies.

An Israelite gal was picking berries in the field when Goddess appeared to her.

“You will have a boy from your husband,” She whithpered to her quadraphonically, “so no shenanigans with other men, ok! After his bar-mitzvah he will keep Israel free from the Philistines. But the one condition for that to succeed is that you must never cut his hair, for all his strength will come from there.”

When the girl told her hubby what she heard, he thought she was raving … mad. It wasn’t often that Goddess spoke to commoners. She did have conversations with leaders like Abraham or Moses, but those were still people, even though they were important.

Samson grew up to be a real hunk, with muscles bulging all over his body. His mom made certain that he never lost a single hair and that he wouldn’t shave either since it was Goddess Herself who gave the boy that formidable strength. There was one condition however: that he never cut his hair lest he become a wimp like most of his apples and pears.

Between you and me, I don’t like beards, coz the day I’ll kiss my beau, I don’t want to have skin rash and lice crawling inside my own hair. Yuk, but in them eonized times they didn’t mind B.O. and critters, on account that their skin was much tougher than ours, being outdoors most of the time, hunting big game or poor lil hares and gazelles for their meals, in all types of weather, whether it sizzled, drizzled or frizzled, with no heater, no fans, nor air-conditioners and no deodorants.

Jeezette have we become sissies, men included, except for the young Israelis, boys and girls, who have to serve in the army for three and two friggin years respectively, to defend their country against bloodthirsty enemies who, even before Independence, dreamt of shoving all the Jews into the sea.

One day, Samson, now an irresistible young man who made every girl blush, told her parents: “My dearest ones, I fell in love with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She is a Philistine.”
“A what … a Phili …a Phili … intestine?” stuttered his mother.

They were both flabbyghosted, on account that in those very racist days, no one ever married outside the clan, mind you if you read Shake’m Pear’s ‘Romeo and Juliet’, you’d learn that their parents who were enemies forbade them to bathe together, fool around in the forrest and become husband and wife.

Today, people still look down on mixed marriages.