Roots &
Ripov/2
by Albert Russo
Mr.O, Miss T, and Madame V
had a great deal to look back to. Ripov secretly
envied them, for they, seemed to have a Purpose
in life.
Ripov decided that his
situation must be reversed, cost what may .... In
spite of the fact that he had no relatives, and
that his parents had vanished into thin air when
he was still in the crib, without leaving so much
as a name to their credit. There were worse
calamities however, and Ripov set out to tackle
the problem at the root, literally.
And so it was that Ripov
became the world's first root therapist. His
motto read: 'out of the rut, into the root.' The
method he devised was baffling in its simplicity.
His patients were asked which one of the
following three they could associate with: the
carrot, the potato, or the radish. They chose the
vegetable that most conformed to their body type
93.6 times out of 100. They attended seminars and
learned everything there was to know about their
own root: its history, its biology, and its
habitat. They acquired self-confidence and, at
last. a sense of belonging. It worked wonders ...
to a degree that the nation was soon divided into
two camps, reenacting as it were, the Dreyfus
Affair, only this time, the confrontation pitted
the RRs - Ripov Rooters (which backbiters called
'Rotten Rooters') - against the ORs - Other, or
Original Rooters. Some, dissatisfied with their
camp, defected to the other side. (Madame V was a
case in point.)
And it's been going on
since. Whatever one may think of Ripov's theory,
no one complains about being rootless anymore.
|
