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Queen Esther - wins
by Albert Russo

Bonka started squinting dangerously, that’s when he feels the ground shifting under his feet. I was afraid his eyes might sink into their orbits forever, so I calmed down and sweetypied him.

“That’s computerese I was speaking, Unky, everything in it is virtual. Here I’ll show you.”

And a few minutes later his vision became normal again. Can you imagine, having an uncle looking at you just with the white of his eyes. I’d be frightened to death, like I had a ghost in front of me.

King Xerxes may not have known that his wife was Jewish, but he couldn’t care less, she was so smart and sooo fantabulously beautiful. Damn MCPs, they can’t resist beauty, even if the lassie is the most stupid thing in the world, which wasn’t the case here.

“My Master,” Esther said, unsmiling - she wasn’t a bimbo - “Now that you know what Haman is up to, I’ll ask you to hang him for all his past crimes and for wanting to kill the Jewish folk living in your empire.”

The feast of Purim is the joyful event the Jews all over the world and especially in Israel celebrate every year in honor of Queen Esther, who saved her people from the evil Haman. His descendants, who want to do the same to the Jews and to their lil country, but with modern and ultra sofisticle weapons, are the Hamas, the Hezbollah and specially the Iranian terrorists.

Somebody complained to me, saying that I was obsessed with these Islamic terrorists. And so I should be. Look how they poison our lives, wherever we live on this here planet of ours. They kill, rape and maim innocents everywhere. And because of them I hate to fly, having to wait hours on end at airports so that we get inspected, taking our shoes off, our watches, our rings and whatnots. I sometimes have to laugh on account that, when Unky Berky undoes his belt, his pants fall to his ankles and every one around us can see his flowery boxers and his funny socks. This doesn’t only happen in airports, but in department stores, in theaters, in open air ceremonies, and so fork and ding dong. Yeah, I’ll keep repeating this every time my uncle and I have to go out or take a plane, a train or a cruise ship. Shiiit, you fookin’ Islamists, may your brains explode, every time you think of committing an other of your poofy crimes. And I’m not nearly as vulgar as these murderous gremlins.