Pussy Nomore
by Ian Curtress
Is this your cat ?
he said accusingly
You know when you see a person who has a
personality problem and takes it out on
all and sundry. In this instance it was a
‘boy in blue’!
I’ll ask again he said, taking the
strain on his other leg. Is this your cat
?
I can’t answer that truthfully
Officer. It seemed to annoy him that I
was being civil
Do you own him he said.
I have fed a cat on and off for about
five years but I didn’t buy him if
that’s what you mean.
Have you taken possession of this cat by
default? Suddenly he’s Perry Mason.
I stand on the fifth amendment I said
lightheartedly. Went over his head.
A neighbour says he’s by your door
same time most days
Well so is the the Post lady but I can’t
claim ownership, although come to think
of it………
This time I looked down to see what he
was holding.
Oh dear! A rather stretched piece of fur
about an inch and a half thick.
He tried a different tack. Is your good
lady at home.
How was he so sure my ‘good lady’
was good? My turn to ask questions.
How come you know my good lady is good or
bad I said.
That threw him and he stumbled something
about being civil.
Can I have a word with her please.
Sorry I said, she has a busy afternoon
ahead so is having a cat nap.
I thought I heard a sort of splutter when
he asked sarcastically, and what will she
be doing?
She’s a fashion model and will be on
the Catwalk I replied with some
satisfaction
When I saw the tightening of his face
muscles I thought it wise to be more
helpful.
I suggested he enquire if there were an
Italian family in the neighbourhood as
there seemed to me a sort of name
impressed on the fur which looked like
Pirelli.
I was coming to that he said, having
regained his composure.
Do you drive a four by four?
Well it doesn’t drive itself I
offered with a chuckle. I know I should
not have been facetious but I was tiring
of the interview.
All credit, he kept his cool and said
please open your garage doors sir.
I resisted the temptation to say I was
too “tyred” and pleased to say
mine were Dunlop.
Mind you credit where credit’s due.
His parting words as he left were
You missed being charged with wasting
police time…..
…..by a whisker! |
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