Pros And Cons Of
Being Cryogenically Frozen For Ten Years
by George Beckerman
PROS
10. No junk mail.
9. When thawed, I can binge South
Park seasons 27 through 37.
8. I love winter.
7. Looking shockingly younger at my
next ten year high school reunion.
6. Kicking edibles.
5. Upon defrosting, reintroduced to
Beatles catalogue.
4. Missing election cycles.
3. Almost guaranteed not to miss a N.Y.
Mets World Series championship.
2. Silence.
1. No Kardashians.
CONS
10. Forgot to turn off the oven.
9. Waking up with the worst brain freeze in
recorded history.
8. Won’t be around to enjoy the total
demise of Pickle Ball.
7. Cryogenics storage facility could be
underwater in ten years.
6. Possibility that wake up alarm won’t
work.
5. No Dunkin’ Donuts.
4. Couldn’t watch the 20th “Friday
The Thirteenth” sequel. (Sarcasm)
3. My dog might be…Sorry, I can’t
even think it.
2. Silence.
1. Kardashians.
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