Original Sin
Thwarted:
Thank You Siri
for Saving the Human Race!
by Jeffrey Wald
“Want an
apple?” asked the serpent, a mischievous
glint in its eye.
“No thanks,” responded Eve, not looking
up from her iPhone. She was texting Adam whether
he’d seen Abel lately. “I’ve
already got one.” She held up her phone for
the serpent to see.
“Not your cell phone, silly. This delicious
apple,” said the serpent, holding an apple
out to Eve with his tail.
“No thanks. I’m trying to cut back on
carbs.”
“Not so quick. This is no ordinary apple.
This apple will make you no less than God! One
bite of this apple and all knowledge will be
yours!”
“But I’ve already got all that at my
fingertips,” responded Eve disinterestedly,
once again holding up her phone to the serpent.
“If there’s something I want to know, I
just ask Siri.”
“Siri?”
“Yes, watch. Siri, is it good to eat apples?”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away,”
responded the phone.
“But what if they’re given to you by a
snake,” asked Eve, again to the phone.
“Watch out. Snakes bite.”
“See, it seems Siri advises against me
taking that apple from you. And besides, like I
said, there is nothing that I can’t learn
from Siri.”
“But what about the pleasure of eating the
apple for its own sake?” responded the
serpent temptingly. “Certainly, you can’t
resist the sweetness of this apple?”
“Is it organic?”
“Umm, I believe so.”
“What variety? I only eat apples bred
specifically for crunchiness and reduced
carbohydrates. I’ve got to watch my figure,”
she said, turning the phone around and taking a
nude selfie.
“It’s Divine.”
“Never heard of that brand. Is it any good?”
“The very best.”
“What about caramel? You have any caramel to
dip it in? I went to an apple orchard last week
and had the most succulent caramel apple. If I’m
going to splurge, I might as well splurge big.”
“Sorry, no caramel.”
“Thanks, but no thanks then. I think I’ll
save my appetite.”
When Adam walked up, the serpent asked him,
“Want an apple?” again holding it up by
his tail.
“No, thanks” responded Adam. “I
just ate these delicious little things the
monkeys started making. They call them ‘Apple-Os.’
So much better than the originals!”
The snake rolled his eyes in frustration.
“Hey, did you find Abel yet?” Eve asked
Adam.
“No, I can’t find him anywhere, why don’t
you ask Siri.”
“Siri, where’s Abel?”
“Abel is in a field,” responded the
phone.
“That boy is always in the fields tending
his sheep,” said Eve. “Siri, what is he
doing in the field?”
“Abel and Cain are fighting in a field,”
responded the phone again.
“Not again! Those boys can’t be left
alone for a minute. Come on Adam, let’s go
find them” said Eve, leaving with Adam.
The serpent was left alone, still holding the
apple. He took a deep look at it, then tossed it
in the grass and went off to find the monkeys to
get some Apple-Os.
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