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Original Sin Thwarted:
Thank You Siri for Saving the Human Race!
by Jeffrey Wald

“Want an apple?” asked the serpent, a mischievous glint in its eye.
“No thanks,” responded Eve, not looking up from her iPhone. She was texting Adam whether he’d seen Abel lately. “I’ve already got one.” She held up her phone for the serpent to see.
“Not your cell phone, silly. This delicious apple,” said the serpent, holding an apple out to Eve with his tail.
“No thanks. I’m trying to cut back on carbs.”
“Not so quick. This is no ordinary apple. This apple will make you no less than God! One bite of this apple and all knowledge will be yours!”
“But I’ve already got all that at my fingertips,” responded Eve disinterestedly, once again holding up her phone to the serpent. “If there’s something I want to know, I just ask Siri.”
“Yes, watch. Siri, is it good to eat apples?”
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away,” responded the phone.
“But what if they’re given to you by a snake,” asked Eve, again to the phone.
“Watch out. Snakes bite.”
“See, it seems Siri advises against me taking that apple from you. And besides, like I said, there is nothing that I can’t learn from Siri.”
“But what about the pleasure of eating the apple for its own sake?” responded the serpent temptingly. “Certainly, you can’t resist the sweetness of this apple?”
“Is it organic?”
“Umm, I believe so.”
“What variety? I only eat apples bred specifically for crunchiness and reduced carbohydrates. I’ve got to watch my figure,” she said, turning the phone around and taking a nude selfie.
“It’s Divine.”
“Never heard of that brand. Is it any good?”
“The very best.”
“What about caramel? You have any caramel to dip it in? I went to an apple orchard last week and had the most succulent caramel apple. If I’m going to splurge, I might as well splurge big.”
“Sorry, no caramel.”
“Thanks, but no thanks then. I think I’ll save my appetite.”
When Adam walked up, the serpent asked him, “Want an apple?” again holding it up by his tail.
“No, thanks” responded Adam. “I just ate these delicious little things the monkeys started making. They call them ‘Apple-Os.’ So much better than the originals!”
The snake rolled his eyes in frustration.
“Hey, did you find Abel yet?” Eve asked Adam.
“No, I can’t find him anywhere, why don’t you ask Siri.”
“Siri, where’s Abel?”
“Abel is in a field,” responded the phone.
“That boy is always in the fields tending his sheep,” said Eve. “Siri, what is he doing in the field?”
“Abel and Cain are fighting in a field,” responded the phone again.
“Not again! Those boys can’t be left alone for a minute. Come on Adam, let’s go find them” said Eve, leaving with Adam.
The serpent was left alone, still holding the apple. He took a deep look at it, then tossed it in the grass and went off to find the monkeys to get some Apple-Os.