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No Drowning
by Albert Russo

They crossed the desert and after days of trekking they reached the Red Sea - hey that’s where my uncle and I spent two fabulous weeks when we visited Israel, swimming with fish of all colors above a coral reef, so shiny under the sun that it was blinding. The place is called Eilat. From there you can see the Sinai on one side and Jordan on the other side.

Before the Heebies could revolt again against Moses on account that they believed they were going to drown in the sea where a strong wind was blowing, causing a tsunami, Mo addressed Goddess, asking for protection.

And so the leader and his folk soon had the possibility of crossing the Red Sea which miraculously separated into two walls of water, giving way to a dry path.

In the meantime, FairHo, who couldn’t accept the fact that he had been swindled by Mo and His former slaves, decided to send his army to track down and slay the whole lot. Well well well, Goddess performed the greatest miracle after the deluge to save her people: as the Israelites continued walking on dry land, the waves were joined behind them and drrrrowned the Egyptian army, bubble bubble bubble, and they became fodder to the millions of colorful fish of the Red Sea, if they weren’t eaten first by the razor-tooth sharks and the other big-mouthed underwater monsters.

As I told you before, you the fonda-mentalist nerds who believe all the nonsense the Bible scribes wrote, miracles are the product of people’s supertushied trashination, coz in them yorish times you were a revered scientist when you could count 2 goats plus 2 camels = 4 animals. Most of the folk thought that the correct answer was 10 or more, on account that camels are much bigger than goats, which isn’t all that false if you weighed them. The ladder have bigger bones and far more flesh. Then too, goats produce milk with which you can make delicious cheese - us French (don’t forget I’m also part American and part Eyetalian, so don’t dare call me a froggess) are the champions of fromage de chèvre, which can be quite smelly and knock out some of you sissies - and before they get too old they provide tender meat for barbecues, coz then that was the only way they could cook. Nowadays barbecues are considered a bio delicacy.

As they advanced into the friggin’ desert, the Heebies started to complain again.

“Chosen, my foot”, they would mumble, we have so little food to choose from and enough water for the birds. They grumbled and cursed Moses, some even turned away from Goddess, saying that they were better off as slaves in Egypt, coz there at least, even if they were beaten black and blue, they had some leftover food and didn’t die of thirst.