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My Favorite Actors
by Albert Russo

As the time passed, the people forgot all about Goddess and went back to believing in the sun, the moon and the stars, adoring animals and shining stones - though they didn’t know anything about diamonds then, they loved everything that glittered. This is called idolatry.

I too am an idolatress, on account that I idolize actresses like Meryl Streep, even if she sometimes does her fake strip tease shtick, coz she can play anything under the firmament, even with her head in her back - I didn’t say backside, clot! Whoopi, oh Whoopi Goldberg, when she does Sister Act, I almost want to become her lil nun sister. Marilyn Monroe, specially when she sings ‘I wanna be loved by you, by you, in the Bayou’. Helen Mirren - Jeezettte, did you know that she became famous as a granny? - I loved that movie where she is the Chef of a restaurant in France and employs a cute Indian boy who becomes famous thanks to her. And frisky but never mushy, there’s Jennifer Lawrence, who changes roles like a chameleonness, on account that sometimes you don’t recognize her, she’s so versatile - this word has nothing to do with that poor Versace designer who got killed by one of his lovers in Miami, eons ago.

As for male actors, some of my favorites are Matt Dildee Doo Damon, Ben Sweetie Afleck, Brad Bitzy Poo Pitt, Patrick Angel Swayze, and before, Leonardo Di Caprio, but no longer, since I’ve seen ‘Wall Street’, in which he behaved like a massive MCPiiig, gosh, how disgusting he’s become; as for George Who Else Clooney, I really had a crush on him, even if he could be my father, but my infatuation tumbled then crashed when I learnt that he was marrying Amal, a beautiful human rights lawyer. Oh, I forgot to mention Keanu Kamehameha Reeves, who can very well surf on my heart, with a flower lei around his neck - if you dare laugh at me, I’ll dump you with the hottest ingredients into a spicy couscous casserole.

Yeah, and I looove pretty rings but prefer buying custom jewelry with cool torn jeans, to going to church. Sometimes I must obey you know who, and accompany him to a religious concert, coz he thinks that organ music in churches are just ‘out of this world’, and that I must absolutely learn to appreciate them ‘heavenly’ shenanigans, like Bach, Haendel, Monteverdi and so fork and ding dong and sooo boring!

So you’re asking me what do all these people have to do with the big GobbledeBook! Like you and me, they all descend from Lilith, Eve and Adam. Ok, if you insist, you may say that you descend from Chinzee the Chimp. I haven’t decided yet who my ancestress is. I want to do some serious research, on account that I’m not sure if my great- great- arch grand-mother fell from a tree and hubba hubba hopped on the jungle ground to gather peanuts for breakfast munchies.