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by Albert Russo

There was one place which escaped the visit of pharaoh’s soldiers, and that was Jochebed’s hut. Her sister Miriam wove a wicker basket so that her three-month-old baby could be saved. The tiny boat was sent floating on the river near where pharaoh’s daughter was resting. Miriam was hiding in the bulrushes (that’s where the bull shits), following the scene, because very soon the princess got sight of that strange little basket and found a baby boy lying in it. She immediately understood that it was the child of a Hebrew family. He was so cute that her heart melted and she absolutely wanted to adopt it. She then asked her maids to look for a woman who could nurse him. That is when Miriam appeared, offering her services. It shook her so much that she gagged, trying not to break into tears, but she peed for joy and thanked Goddess for what she believed was a miracle.

The princess named the baby Moses on account that she had pulled him out of the holy waters of the river Nile. She allowed the baby to be cared for in the home of his parents until he was four years old, after which Little Moses was taken to the palace where he would spend the rest of his life - or so the princess thought.

At the court of pharaoh Moses grew to become a handsome and strong young man, and as such he was given all the privileges of a real prince. He would visit many sites of the country in order to check if everything was in order and if the population had enough to eat. One day he witnessed a scene that was going to change the course of his life. As he watched a group of Hebrew slaves toiling, an Egyptian guard suddenly started to beat one of them with such fury that he almost killed him. Moses’ blood boiled and struck the guard so hard that he fell to the ground and died.

When the news got to pharaoh, the ladder became mad as a hatter - so say the Brits, even when you don’t wear a hat - and ordered his guard to kill him, on account that he now considered Moses a traitor. But fortunately, the Hebrew prince fled before the guards could catch him and, after a long and dusty ride, he reached the land of Midian.

Moses was welcomed by the people there and decided to live like them as a shepherd. Now, I don’t know how I would feel if a were a pretty princess - my uncle who has good taste thinks that I look like a child actress of the age of me-tooth-and-sell-them who was called the lil darlin’ of Hollywood - and then I would be forced to tend to stinking goats and sheep, having to milk them bleating animals, while tramping on their ball-shaped shit. Goshette, how low can you fall to save your life!