Man o' Manna!
by Albert Russo
Mo was getting impatient,
both with his folk and with the Creatress
Herself, coz She was the cause of all the stress
the former were suffering from. He had to be very
careful as to how he would address Her, even if
at times, he would have wanted to swear like a
fishmonger. Now, where does that expreshun
come from? Go to Wikipipi and bring me
back the answer. That’s your homework, hey,
you don’t expect me to feed you with every
bit of knowledge!
Goddess was still busy
filling the oceans with new species which humans
would take centuries to discover, if they ever
did, coz even today there are almost as many sea
animals as there are stars, which are still
unknown.
“Okay, okay,” She
grumbled, I’ll tend to you now, impatient
brats!”
Then all of a sudden a
river appeared with the freshest water the
Israelites had ever had the privilege of drinking.
That’s when mineral water was invented, only
then, bottles didn’t exist. You had to cup
your hands. And soon thereafter, low low low
and bejeezette, the sky became dark with
thousands of quails. At first it looked like
another plague, but soon enough flocks of these
delicious lil birds fell to the ground, some them
knocking people’s heads in a flurry of bangs
that sounded like music to the famished
Israelites. They were seeing pretty stars and
squinting gleefully. Mmm mmm, grilled quails with
polenta are one of my favorite dishes.
One morning Moses and his
nomadic folk woke up with the ground covered with
a thick white dust. Someone shouted: “Hey
this tastes good!” And soon everybody
started to eat that unique breakfast, which is
called manna.
“Goddess Almighty, you’re
really somethin’!” exclaimed a bozo.
Others repeated after him, “yeah you’re
somethin’.”
Goddess didn’t
appreciate to be compared to a thing and She
wanted to show who the ‘somethin’ was.
And so, the next day, She let a band of
Amalekites come down from the mountains to fight
against the Israelites.
Mo prayed Goddess for mercy.
Since he sincerely repented for his people’s
bad manners, She let them push the attackers away
and vanquish them.
To thank Goddess, Moses
climbed the mountain and bowed several times, so
low that he could sniff his toes, which smelled
of fermented cheese. He didn’t dare to pull
faces, lest Goddess punish Her people again, so
he forced a very toothy smile.
This is when Goddess gave
them the Ten woah Commandments, the very first
rules of morality which would spread from the
Middle East to the rest of the world. It was all
so new and forbidding that the Israelites were at
first totally flabbyghosted, on account
that never before did they have to obey to such a
list of strict commandments. It was ok not to
murder people and not to steal, but not to be
jealous of other people’s possessions, wasn’t
that going a bit too far?
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