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Kings, Presidents and Stuff
by Albert Russo

I believe that Israel’s prime minister, Bibi Netanyahu - learn your geo-politics, bunch of country bumpkin floozies! - thinks he is the new King David or King Solomon, on account that he helped make Israel the Start-up Nation, with some of the most advanced high-tech in the world. He travels all over the place to gain new allies and trade partners, and he’s very successful. But he too is blamed for neglecting the poor and the homeless of this tiny mighty lil country, which is supposed to be the eighth world power, wow.

Between you and me, I would never wish to become a president, or a prime minister, like Golda Meir, Indira Gandhi - poor lassie, they murdered her, and her son, after her too - or Maggie Tchatcher - did you watch the movie with Meryl Streep? My uncle and I saw it thrice on his TV, all the while we were eating fried rice.

The population is never ever content, and these leaders get insulted right, left and center, whatever they do. I would get a nervous breakdown every Monday morning, fearing what the week would have in store, sfars old misdemeanors and other petty crimes the press would find to poison your life, coz they always find skeletons hidden in closets, even in the loo. They even go and fish stuff you’ve done when you were a teenager, like getting stoned during a surprise party. Gosh, I hate paparazzi, they’re like hyenas that wait till their preys are half eaten and stinking to low hell, before they sink their fangs into what’s left of the rotting carcasses.

Even the First Ladies get the whip and can’t make a move without being lashed at. I sometimes hear that heads of states are political animals. What are they talking about? How political can an animal be? Shucks, woof and hysterics, is what I say, specially that on top of all their shenanigans, they seem to be invert-e-brat liars. Therefore and consequently, they shamelessly hide the truth from their opponents and, worse even, from the public, that’s US, with promises they will never keep.

My uncle quoted a few phrases from a book written by Signor Machiavelli, a bigwig of the Italian Renaissance, in which he tells his prince to be devious and traitorous, and to forget about being honest, in order to better crush his opponents - that includes his own family - and gain all the power he needs.

Here are some of his recommendations:

Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel. Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

Politics have no relation to morals.

It is better to be feared than loved.

Vely vely mollal
, as they say in Japan. Apparently, this is the book politicians keep by their bedside, along with the Bible. No wonder they have nightmares, mixing the stories they read.