Judith
by Albert Russo
Here’s the story of
another toughie felinist who stopped in
their tracks the enemies of her people. The
Assyrian army, which was the most powerful in
those days, intended to take over Jerusalem and
wreak havoc there, killing the Jews and
destroying their temple. Woah, that’s
exactly what the Mufti of the Dome of the Rock
Mosque dreams of doing today: chase the Jews from
their holiest city or kill them if they resist,
when his ancestors were the ones who stole their
country. He blurts out the same idiotic and
dangerous nannities to his followers,
day in and day out, specially on Fridays, as the
Mufti who during WWII was Hitler’s buddy,
promised the ladder that he would also
send the Jews of the Holy Land to death camps.
And all that in the name of Allah the most magnanimouse.
Lovely customs you have, Heil Herr Muff!
On their way to Jerusalem
the Assyrian warriors stopped at the town of
Bethulia and cut off the water that lead to the
Jewish capital. After almost a month, their
tongues dry like bark - no, they didn’t have
the strength to bark, even though they looked
like sickly dogs - and their brains muddled, the
inhabitants had decided to give themselves up.
“Nothing doing, you
pussies!” Judith exclaimed before the town’s
magistrates, her cheeks crimson with fury. “Let
me handle this alone.” She convinced them
after they had heard her plan. Actually they were
baba bowled over and flabbighosted
by her tenacity.
“I want to speak to
General Holofernes,” demanded Judith, as two
guards were blocking the entrance to the tent of
the Assyrian in command. But when she stuck her
face to the nose of each one them in turn, their
eyes rolled hysterically, on account that they
were voodooed by both her steely
determination and her glowing beauty. To impress
these males who wore heavy and stinking
sheepskins because the nights were quite cold
during this season, and particularly her fiercest
enemy, Holofernes, she had donned a richly
embroidered festival dress made of silk and gold
threads, as well as a tiara, worthy of an empress.
She must have looked like a
moving Christmas tree - which didn’t exist
in her time, but you need a comparison to imagine
how lavish she appeared - laden with silver
ribbons and fairy lights studded with diamonds,
rubies, emeralds and aquamarine. Yeah, she had
rings on every finger, dozens of dangling
bracelets, anklets and earrings that shone so
brightly it gave anyone a headache who tried to
stare at them. Even the laces of her sandals were
studded with precious stones. Don’t think
that was all, coz she believed her success
depended on the goodwill and the generosity of
Goddess. She prayed so hard for three solid days
and nights that she fainted several times, coming
to, to resume her prayers, which came out of her
mouth, tickling her lips something too ridiculous;
every now and then, to stop the nonsense, she
would slap her thighs.
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