Joey and his
Treacherous Brothers
by Albert Russo
Pharaoh was so relieved and
impressed by Joseph’s predictions, which
turned out to be real prophecies, that he named
Joseph Grand Vizier, making him the most
important of all the VIPs of his kingdom. He even
slipped his own gold ring studded with precious
stones on Joey’s finger to prove the high
regard he had for him.
Thanks to the new and
handsome Grand Vizier, who had an incredible
sharp vision, the people of Egypt prepared
themselves for the following famine, avoiding
thus to become a bunch of toothless anorexics,
wearing shmotters three times their size,
they would have lost so much weight.
The favorite daughter of
the Great Priest fell in love with the young
miracle worker and they soon got married. While
the Egyptians lived comfortably through the
drought years, the peoples of the surrounding
countries suffered terribly and had to chew on
dry grass - that’s when they discovered
crack and got stoned, dreaming of delicious shish
kebab and corn on the cob drenched in butter, all
the while they were drooling like scrawny mamzerim
(‘miserable wretches’ in Hebrew), with
their tongues the color of bark and ready to
split in pieces.
A lot of immigrants came
from Canaan to Egypt in order to buy food and
other stuff they badly needed, such as wicker
baskets, kitchen pottery and cheap cloth - not
jewels or designer garments, jerk! When you look
like a ghost, you don’t try to look pretty,
you scare the bejeezette out of the well-fed
dudes and their big-bosomed wifeys.
Among these foreigners
Joseph recognized his Goddess-forsaken brothers,
who now were skin and bones, so much so that they
couldn’t even smile at him, on account that
their facial skin had become taut and a greenish
brown, that looked like duck shit. I’m not
even mentioning the stink they carried along,
after their month-long walk, with nowhere to wash
or change clothes. A good thing Joseph was
standing on a pedestal at a distance while some
slaves were fanning him with mint- and rose-perfumed
peacock feathers. Otherwise he would have fainted.
He was at once disgusted and sad to see in what
state these sinful brothers were. But before
revealing who he was, he decided to test them and
said: “You are nothing but spies”.
That’s when they told
him that they were the ten sons of the great
chieftain Jacob.
“We’ve come here,
your Highness, because we shall soon have nothing
to eat at home, our flocks of sheep are dying out,
the drought has burnt most of our crops. We are
neither spies nor thieves, just people in need of
food.” whined the eldest of the brothers.
You could see that he was forcing himself to cry,
but the damn tears couldn’t come out, his
eyes were so dry. So, he exaggerated his grimace
and his face suddenly had the features of them
masks the ancient Greeks wore when they played at
the theater - uuugly as siiin!
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