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Joey and Pharaoh Potty
by Albert Russo

To Potiphar’s wife (sfar as I know, he invented the potty) Joey retorted that his duty was to manage Pharaoh’s properties and that, thus and consequently, he had no spare time and didn’t want to be disloyal to his protector.

When Pharaoh returned to his palace late the same evening, his wife told him, friggin liar that she was, that Joseph wanted to rape her. In a fit of rage, Potiphar had poor Joey thrown into prison. There he met a few thugs, some of whom had disturbing dreams and asked him if he could interpret them. His predictions turned out to be all correct.

Potiphar began to have strange dreams and even nightmares, and no one in the whole land of Egypt was able to decipher them, until the king’s butler, who had been in prison with Joseph told him that he knew a young Hebrew who could read in people’s minds.

And low and bee bee hold, here was Joey standing once again in front of Potiphar, who had suddenly forgotten how furious he had been with him. Joseph translated the king’s two big dreams with the following words.

“The seven fat cows coming from the Nile river means that for seven years Egypt will know prosperity, with rich crops, plenty of food and all kinds of goodies that families will be able to purchase and offer as gifts, even to their worst enemies. The seven lean cows means that for seven years, the country will be cursed with drought, sickness and famine; everything will smell of rot and decay and men will beat their wives and spank their children something too awful, while the women will be pulling each other’s hair out of sheer idleness and disgust, making many of them bald.”

Thanks to Joseph’s divining gift, Pharaoh could prepare his people and the land of Egypt for the bad times, hoarding food and all the necessary goods so that his people could lead a normal life during the seven years that promised to be lean and mean.

Now, I’m not sure that one could avoid the scorching sun of summer with temperatures of 120 degrees fair n’ heart. Which reminds me how my uncle and I almost drowned in our own sweat a July in Seville, Spain. If you want to know more about that trip, read my book Zapinette Castagnette, it will surely make you want to aspapika Sapanish and be less stupid, coz if you’re Yankee like me, you oughta learn America’s second language, specially if you live in or visit Nueva York, Miami (pronounce it Me Yami) or Los Angeles (pronounce it Los An Hell Ess), which in some areas can be hellish.

Pharaoh was so relieved and impressed by Joseph’s predictions, which turned out to be real prophecies, that he named Joseph Grand Vizier, making him the most important of all the VIPs of his kingdom.