Job, Goddess'
Favorite
by Albert Russo
Satan and Co. are the stuff
of fairy tales which were invented to scare the
wits out of us children - but also the millions
of piggish grown-up ignoramuses - so that they
obey their parents or their priests and imams who
promise Hell and Goonery, with hail stones the
size of ostrich eggs falling on the ‘sinners’
heads, to the miss-creant - hey we oughta set up
a new pageant and I would present myself as the
World’s first Miss Creant. Take out the
’n’ and add three letters, and you get
Miss Creative, which suits me just fine, don’t
you think?
Let’s proceed with
stories of the Babaloo. There was this guy Job
who believed Goddess liked him so much on account
that he obeyed and loooved Her so slavishly, that
She showered him with all the bounty the earth
could offer. And so the lucky dude soon owned
… seven thousand sheep, three thousand
camels, one thousand oxen, five hundred donkeys -
note that he didn’t get any hogs and thus
and therefore he never knew how delicious smoked
ham and pork chops could be … mmm, not to
mention the scrumptious barbecued suckling pig -,
as well as many servants to take care of his
large family. He had a wife (only one, to begin
with), seven sons and three daughters. Everything
went well for quite a while and everybody was
happy until … until … Satan, who
retches and gets sick with running diarrhoea -
now if this ain’t a slimy and devilishly
twisted word, with all them vowels and rr’s!
- whenever he sees happiness on earth, with
people singing, dancing and doing things too
lecherous to mention. Did you note that he is a
male, a really dangerous malware that attacks
both your body’s and your computer’s
innards?
Very soon, messengers came
to Job to inform him that hostile tribes stole or
killed his animals, if the lightning hadn’t
struck them first. These nasty pieces of work
were the Sabeans and the Chaldeans. Other bad
news poured in, with the appearance of his
youngest son who told him that the house of his
children collapsed and that every one of them was
killed, and that he was the only survivor.
Menshshssh, what calamities, fulla mites
and other disgusting creepy crawlers! Poor Job,
he certainly didn’t deserve such a cruel
fate. And you know what!!?? Sad and desperate as
he was, he didn’t even blame Goddess for
what had happened to him. Between you and me, he
must have lost more than a few marbles, coz that
kind of reaction ain’t normal at all. He
shaved his head, ripped his clothes, so that he
looked like a bum of the Bowery, and said, filthysoftickly,
“I came to this here world with nothing, and
I will leave it with nothing. Goddess gave and
She took away. Only She knows what is right.”
Anyone uddering such words can’t be
right in his mind.
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