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Job, Goddess' Favorite
by Albert Russo

Satan and Co. are the stuff of fairy tales which were invented to scare the wits out of us children - but also the millions of piggish grown-up ignoramuses - so that they obey their parents or their priests and imams who promise Hell and Goonery, with hail stones the size of ostrich eggs falling on the ‘sinners’ heads, to the miss-creant - hey we oughta set up a new pageant and I would present myself as the World’s first Miss Creant. Take out the ’n’ and add three letters, and you get Miss Creative, which suits me just fine, don’t you think?

Let’s proceed with stories of the Babaloo. There was this guy Job who believed Goddess liked him so much on account that he obeyed and loooved Her so slavishly, that She showered him with all the bounty the earth could offer. And so the lucky dude soon owned … seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, one thousand oxen, five hundred donkeys - note that he didn’t get any hogs and thus and therefore he never knew how delicious smoked ham and pork chops could be … mmm, not to mention the scrumptious barbecued suckling pig -, as well as many servants to take care of his large family. He had a wife (only one, to begin with), seven sons and three daughters. Everything went well for quite a while and everybody was happy until … until … Satan, who retches and gets sick with running diarrhoea - now if this ain’t a slimy and devilishly twisted word, with all them vowels and rr’s! - whenever he sees happiness on earth, with people singing, dancing and doing things too lecherous to mention. Did you note that he is a male, a really dangerous malware that attacks both your body’s and your computer’s innards?

Very soon, messengers came to Job to inform him that hostile tribes stole or killed his animals, if the lightning hadn’t struck them first. These nasty pieces of work were the Sabeans and the Chaldeans. Other bad news poured in, with the appearance of his youngest son who told him that the house of his children collapsed and that every one of them was killed, and that he was the only survivor. Menshshssh, what calamities, fulla mites and other disgusting creepy crawlers! Poor Job, he certainly didn’t deserve such a cruel fate. And you know what!!?? Sad and desperate as he was, he didn’t even blame Goddess for what had happened to him. Between you and me, he must have lost more than a few marbles, coz that kind of reaction ain’t normal at all. He shaved his head, ripped his clothes, so that he looked like a bum of the Bowery, and said, filthysoftickly, “I came to this here world with nothing, and I will leave it with nothing. Goddess gave and She took away. Only She knows what is right.” Anyone uddering such words can’t be right in his mind.